[Alex]

It will not quit now,
It will watch for how long it takes,
Death to most will make them fake.

Upon your shoulder,
It mentors you,
It will never sleep.

Golden wings discreet,
Open eyes, close they will not,
It has now been fought.

[Venomous Vixen]

It will watch for long it takes,

This is an incomplete line... for 'how' long it takes, perhaps?

Death to most will make.

Again this also seems incomplete. Will make what?

And my only other gripe is the last line. That stanza is filled with complex images and thoughts and that last line seemed a bit of a let down. I know you are trying to keep the rhyme up but maybe there is some way you can spruce it up?

Interesting concept here as always. Let me know when you have edited and I will get it posted.

[Alex]

I edited it.