[MindsEye]

Welling up inside of me again,
feelings of burning hate and rage,
yet a calm pool of serenity I remain to eyes;
Eyes as windows,
to peer and witness the carnage,
of my mind's savage massacre;
Blank and unrepented,
I stand as a tower,
in the calm of a raging storm.

--------------------------------------------
2 June 2000

[Syrah]

Oh... how effective. This piece reminds me of the eye of a hurricane. And translated into human interest... things are not always as they seem. Smiling faces lie. Some of the "happiest" people you know, behind closed doors, are some of the most turbulent in spirits. Like those women in abusive relationships, both parties present a wholesome, calm and loving appearance to the world. Like I said, very effective and with some real truth behind it. I love the way you use your capitals and punctuation in this poem. It emphasizes just the right spots and leaves the flow flawless.

[Peppy]

I have to say, it was short and sweet. That's pretty good. The message was loud and clear. Everybody seems to know how to grasp onto their own emotions without letting it go to the surface, especially rage and hate.

The imagery of the poem allowed me to follow the traits and feelings in the words. When I was finished reading this, my mind spider-webbed in all kinds of directions. Made me think deeply on this poem and other things which occupys me.

Hmmmmmmmmm... But I'm not entirely sure about the semi-colons. They don't seem to work for me. Being in the same verse would have worked just as well. My opinion anyways, I'm pretty much an amateur in poetry so you don't need to take my comment seriously.

This was a good read. Good, good.

[Vail]

Another great work from you. A few suggestions however. I would consider separating this into at least three stanzas, but would ultimately recommend six. I think your first, fourth, and seventh lines all deserve to be their own stanza. They are all packed with power and I think the pause effect one would have while reading the piece would grant them a little more strength. Your third line was a bit long, maybe shorten that up a bit, I understand this is free form, but even so, the extra syllables in that line disrupt the flow ever so slightly.

Aside from that, I do thoroughly enjoy this piece. Your fourth through sixth lines are what I enjoyed most about this piece. Especially your sixth line, the mind's savage massacre. I think that line most apt in today's world, only a lot of people are too blinded by ignorance to take a look. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.

[MindsEye]

When I wrote this there was no punctuation.. but I felt the need to add it to emphasize the pauses and emphasis. I did at one time consider breaking the piece into stanzas..BUT I fell that the underlying meaning is further supported by the idea of seperate but WHOLE as the feelings and visions inside the whole person stand together in that solitairy tower. So the poem itself should stand as such.

Thanks so much for the comments all... every bit.

[Lubesh]

did you mean,no doubt tis me......I remain to eyes....which is fine if not bloody damn good. but jsut in case?

I echo most of the above and 'meat' comes to mind and lots of it with what you post here.

Sorry I missed this, but the plus is, my memory is actualy liking me at the moment.

[Rakkasan]

AH! You almost make me cower at the idea of putting something of mine next to yours. This has got to be my favorite poem of yours, at least in light of what I've read so far. I know, I'll have to wait to read some of them in Everybody Knows Something, Nobody Knows. Get it on, troop. The world awaits.

Nothing more to really comment on, but if we ever did an anthology for StoriesMania, I would enjoy seeing this one in it. Write on.

[RENA HANDS]

…of my minds savage massacre;

Is this not a possessive? If not could u explain further?

…of my mind’s or minds’ savage massacre; ?

Blank and unrepented,

Now that’s awesome imagery! (applauses).

[MindsEye]

Thank you Rena.. you have a sharp discerning eye. This only supports more the reasons for me to continue to post. Truly this site is a marvel filled with the hearts and minds of the wise.

Thank you All