[Venomous Vixen]

Tiptoed alibis, slightly trampled to be revived again,
surmised from your passing sin, fair weather today
with that look, the look of destruction, eyes ablaze,
fleeting corruption in your lovers daze, I sit, an alibi.

Half hung and strung along, sitting duck waiting, always-
How many hearts to fill your desire? Blackness consumes,
tiptoes against your passing fling, once pure, now tainted,
fated to the abyss that is your fading grace, layer by layer, decayed

But I stay, your loyal stepping stone, to catch your wolf's cry,
wretch out your poisoned alibi, and you wear innocence so well,
layer by layer, I can see inside, but long ago you stitched my thoughts,
in silence I wait for you to tiptoe across my branded soul once more...

[Vorcla]

Ah - a new one from Bri!

Nicely executed. The protagonist seems to have a death wish - can't get away from it. It's kind of like watching a train wreck - too fascinated to pull away. Still drawn to a fading flower: "in silence I wait for you to tiptoe across my branded soul once more..."

Nice one, hun!

[Lubesh]

fleeting corruption in your lovers daze

and your wear innocence so well,

'Cept those, immaculate and flowing. I love these less rigid pieces and some of your words, undeservedly play up the menace in there. Lovely.

[RENA HANDS]

Wonderful!

One thing that bothers me…
…,and your wear innocence so well,

Did you intend…
…,and (you) wear innocence so well,

I’ll return to rate…

[RENA HANDS]

Still as Marvelous as when first read. My rating is 5/5!

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you all very much

[Vail]

Damn Bri.. I was kinda scared to read this one. I was like.. hmmm... do I want to read this, what if I don't like it... etc, etc. Luckily this was awesome. I'm thinking that three stanzas is kinda short on this one though, you could chop this down into a multi-stanza poem without losing any of it's edge or power. The only reason I suggest this is because some of your lines have so many pauses or stops in them, that it lends itself to this idea pretty easily. Also, not 100% on this, but I'm pretty confident that I'm right, second stanza, third line, almost positive that you should have a comma separating; once pure, now tainted. As I reread this, my mind is forcing a pause there, begging for a comma.

Okay aside from that. Awesome. There is so much to this piece that I love. I think your second stanza is a little weak compared to the first and last. Not that that is a bad thing, but it almost seems like filler at times while I read it. I cannot decide which I like more between the first and third however. I love how in your first stanza you start with alibi and end it with alibi. That device hooked me. I actually, on my first read, immediately jumped to the end of the second stanza hoping that it to repeated that same concept. It didn't, but still, I loved the idea.

Okay as I keep reading through, your third stanza is my favorite. Two portions of it; you wear innocence so well. That kind of line makes me wish I had written it. And the next one; but long ago you stitched my thoughts. That image was so vivid for me. It was like I was watching an animated film by Tim Burton, and I loved it. Really great stuff here Bri. Glad I wasn't disappointed. Thanks for sharing.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks for the comma catch. Glad I did not disappoint I originally had tried to break this one up a bit more and got really frustrated with it... nothing seemed to work right, and there were jagged lines hanging out and what not so this is me defeated, with chunky text. I may have another stab at it later on, because I agree it would suit it better. You picked out my favorite line up there, the stitched one... it was one of those things that just came out and after I went, whoa... fed my own ego. Thanks as always for the in depth review!

[Peppy]

Yes, now that's something I liked. This time you used little noun imageries in the piece, I'm just so used to that from you. I need to read some of your works more, but on a later day.

I could only grasp a few images in the poem. I don't want to be a liar and say I understood it. But from what I can "see" in my mind, I thought the man was too promiscuous. It's kind of a shame for the girl who has to wait and see for change

Good read, Vee.