Stranger

[dearest]

I have
an old sweater
in my attic
I don’t think it belongs
to anyone
in my family
because it smells like
a stranger
My mom wore it once
and she walked out
our trick-lock door
looking wrong
and not quite herself
A storm front hovered
in the most unusual way
outside our window
You could
see the underside of the
storm cloud, exposed and colored
the pale lavender
of blue blood
under a layer of skin,
like the alien slickness
of a flipped up eyelid
The clouds made two walls
pressed
palms flat
against each other
in the most peculiar way
like military men
in starched jackets
waiting for their picture
to be taken
And I felt like these
lavender-eyelidded-military men
were watching
my mother driving away
in the sweater
that wasn’t hers
She got into an accident that day
when the rain came
down in a flash
flooding out state road 1
‘It was like sheets’ she said later
wringing the rain from her
water-darkened hair
My mother isn’t always
the most articulate woman
‘You mean in came down
in sheets,
mom,’ I corrected
‘No, no. It was
like sheets.
Rippling, like it was
all sewn together in
one piece
Knitted together with,
oh, I don’t know,
ribbons and rocks
and shards of
tail-light glass
and sparkling things’
She wasn’t hurt bad,
just a scrape across the collar
bone where the impact
twisted her against
the window
Funny thing,
she only had a few
purpling bruises, but
the sweater got ripped
one long gash, right
across the heart
severing the top
button
Mom looked for it
on the floor or the car
but she never did find it
only an orphaned nickel
and some
car lint
While mother wrings
and I sigh
and we argue about
sheets and how
to use them correctly
in conversation,
The sweater,
curiously lifeless,
lays silenced in a wadded up
clump, smelling only
of wet

[Vorcla]

Ah, Tricia - I read your poems sometimes and I get the chills - in a good way. Your stuff is just so great. The fresh, unusual imagery, the way you put it all together. Some of them are incredibly unusual - "like the alien slickness / of a flipped up eyelid." Makes me wonder where you come up with them. Makes me want to get better at my own poetry. This one rates a "damned fine." Great job, hun!

[dearest]

Couldn't tell you where I get it. I just need to describe something, and that's what it looks like to me. Sorry, no special techniques or tricks of the trade to share. ^_^ Wish I could help.

Thanks for the comments, not just this one, but all of them. You always seem to be the first (or only) person to read by stuff, and usually the most enthusiastic ^_^ So thanks.

[Vorcla]

You always seem to be the first (or only) person to read by stuff...

Then a lot of people are missing out on some great material.

...and usually the most enthusiastic ^_^ So thanks.

You're welcome! ^_^ It's wonderful work, and I enjoy it immensely. I try to pattern my own "attempted poems" after yours, not so much trying to copy them as emulate them - at least the rhythmic patterns.

[dearest]

Really? Now that IS flattering. ^_^

[Vorcla]

You're blushing! Well, I love the way your material flows, and I think, If I can do that, I'll be happy.

[RENA HANDS]

Sweet eeriness, dearest! You have another impeccable write here! The imagery, the emotions expressed, felt by the reader(s) and they fluctuated too. Very, very IMPRESSIVE!

Then your work is always Marvelous. There wasn't one particular scene that I LOVED more than its whole parts...

I give a rating of 5/5! Not that you ever need my ratings…lol

[Lubesh]

Amazing. I liked the outpur, the steady not trickle it wasn't so delicate, but full on and for miles...good read. I disagree with a couple of breaks 'I could.' etc but then again it added on the second read....and we all have our foibles prob sat well when u wrote it - like me, and i ignore suggestions so ignore mine..was my only stop.

[Corneac]

Wow. You make me want to write again Tricia! Your descriptions were just - like, I dunno. It has a sense of realism that a lot of poetry lack. Much better than a "damned fine". This is awesome, damn awesome.

[-Jim-]

Pardon my bluntness but, holy SHIT! That was so great I don't know what to say. The more I read your stuff, Tricia, the more I find myself inspired. Rarely does a day go by when I do read from you that I don't get fleeting images and ideas floating through my head.

I could see myself writing a story...a long story, off of this piece. That's how it happens to me. Ideas don't come to me in words, but rather in images, actual photos in my mind and more than a few times your work has brought thos images to my mind. I think that's why I like the photo contests the best.

The story you tell here, how can I put it? It seems complete, feels complete. It is a wonderful, chilling, and, at the end, a bit quirky, tale. You amaze me with the striking images you spell out time after time after time. And this one is chock full of them.

Thank you for writing this. I haven't really enjoyed a piece this much for quite a while. Excellent bit of writing!

[dearest]

Thanks to everybody for your comments! Sorry I didn't get to them sooner, but my computer was down all of yesterday (mostly because my power was out...thank you Ike.)

Rena - Psh, I ALWAYS need your reviews, I love to hear from you! ^_^ Thanks for the read, I glad you enjoyed it.

Lubesh - Thanks for the read, and for the criticism. Yes, I kind of wondered about some of the breaks too, but wasn't really sure where they seemed odd and where it was all right. I just wanted it fragmented and unusual and to go on 'for miles', like you said. If you've got any particular places where you think the flow was off, please don't hesitate to tell me. I eat criticism for breakfast! ^_^ Toast too...and sometimes the occasional omlete.

Chris - Wow, I'm flattered. Thank you!

Jim - Well now, it must be national flatter Tricia day. Gah! Thanks very much, I'm THRILLED that you felt inspired! I always try to create strong images, so I'm very happy indeed that you got that from my piece. Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts, you made my day. ^_^

[Tay M.]

Insperational, to say the least. Stops could've been adding, because at times it was difficult to read, but that doesn't really matter because in the end it was just a fantastic poem. Loved where you described the clouds... terrific job as usual.

[dearest]

yeah, the fragmentation of the form does cause some issues in ability to read clearly, but I was going for off-balance and weird here, so I guess it's successful in that respect? I'm glad you liked the clouds; I actually saw that once, a huge storm front rolling in like a wall. The way that it moved deeply disturbed me for some reason, and I wanted to capture that feeling in this poem. Glad it came through, and thanks for taking the time to comment!

[Blink]

I 100% agree with the cloud point, it was choppy and I liked that personally, something new to me. I also liked the "It was like sheets" part, that gave me a pretty cool image in my head. Awesome poem!

[dearest]

Thanks Blink. Always great to see new people commenting. ^_^ Nice to have you with us!

[Vorcla]

Read this again today because I'm in the mood for some rain, and the cloud description here is stellar. It's been so long I've forgotten what a cloudy sky looks like. Of course, November, December, January and February will catch up our cloudy day quota, I'm sure. So I shouldn't complain.

Anyway, this was just as truly wonderful as it was the first time.

[dearest]

I know, right? I'd love some rain. Thanks for the second read. ^_^

[Corneac]

I just read this again - and I want to go further, it takes a talented writer to tell a story, not just a fragment, But a story - a poem, a saga all wrapped into one. This was eerie - I think is a good word, the best poetry leaves you wanting more, like good stories do. This is exquisite - the fragmented lines and lack of punctuation, I dunno, render it damn near perfect.

Your descriptors too -

storm cloud, exposed and colored
the pale lavender
of blue blood
under a layer of skin,
like the alien slickness
of a flipped up eyelid

Ahh man. enough to make me throttle you in jealousy. If you're not trying to get your work published yet, deffo look into it. This is great Tricia. Damn near perfect.

[dearest]

I think this is one of the few cases where I would be happy to be throttled. Coming from you, that's quite a compliment. Thank you very much! As for publishing, I'd love to. But I'm not exactly sure WHERE to get something like this published. Where should I send it?

[Nupur]

This has been on my to-review list since a very long time and all I can say is... wow.

It's odd how sometimes I can write a comment after reading a poem just once and being acquainted with it only for a few minutes. But then there are a few poems which you read, re-read, digest and assimilate, and then realize that there's nothing else you can say except 'wow' because they leave you completely spellbound. This falls in the latter category.

Wow.

[dearest]

Wow. I think there are some comments that you find so wonderful and flattering that all there is to say is THANK YOU! ^_^ You made my day.

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by Corneac;

If you're not trying to get your work published yet, deffo look into it.

Indeed...

We've discussed this. Going through all your poems for your competition made me realize just how much publication-worthy stuff you have. I've been doing a little poking around for you, and once I get a little more info, we'll talk. Things have been a little hectic lately, as you well know...

[dearest]

I know. No rush at all, and thanks for poking around. ^_^

[Persephone]

I liked this of course, I like everything you write usually. But I didn't understand why sometimes there was a period, and a new sentence started, and then other times, there wasn't one, and a new sentence started anyways.

Actually, I think this would have been better as prose, it basically is a story, you just stacked it on top of each other.

[dearest]

Yep, that's how I roll. ^_^ I know the punctuation was a little funky, and I might take a second look at it if I'm bored on a rainy day, but I'm just going to leave it for right now. It's poetry...a period here, a comma there, bah. ^_^

[Persephone]

bah, humbug

[Tay M.]

Oh, I'm happy this was brought back. This has to be one of my all time favorites from you. Such an interesting thing to read, and the way you described the sheets of rain was simply astounding.

[Maylar]

I somehow managed to miss this into my reading and rereading of the dark section and wow, it blew me off my feats now that I did. I just love your images, they are so clean and crisp in my head when reading those lines. I love the way you throw in the colors and the smell and the complete atmosphere...it's like looking into the world, the scene you describe, through some wall of thickened air...all comes through it, but characters can’t see me from their side. Ok, not maybe perfectly expressed (as I suddenly feeling like peeping tom), but you hopefully understand what I wanna say. Anyway, great work

[dearest]

Wow, thanks! That's exactly what I was going for, like exactly. Wow, creepy, but in a good way. Awesome! You made my day. ^_^ Thanks for the read and comment, maylar!