Can you hear Their cries?

[Masa]

Quieter than the shrieking cars,
More silent than the footstep,
Less noticed than the human breath,
Heard only in the silence,
Past the rustling leaves of trees,
Wait and carefully listen.

A sombre song to days of old,
Crying for injuries past,
Noted melodies of despair,
Sad sobs for desolation,
Crude mimicry of the living,
Cries of anguish for the dead.

Behind the shadows of the stars,
In darkness they envelop,
Formed by humanity's death,
By the horrid past events,
Heard and unheard like passing breeze,
Eyes shine like raindrops glisten.

Their freezing touch is not quite cold,
Warmth never gained at long last,
The silent chill of timely wear,
Future holds no salvation,
The Past remains unforgiving,
Only on Present's path we tread.

[Vincentii]

A very sombre and morose poem, which - for me - evoked memories of my visit to Majdanek last year.

The only thing I did not like was "Behind the shadows of the stars", I could not figure out what you meant to say by that.

[Masa]

You didn't like it because you didn't understand it? How very human.

[Vincentii]

Now don't go all 'philosophical art-professor' on me, there's a reason I don't like those guys (with their little beards and glasses and Napoleon-complex).
I didn't like it because I did not understand how it fits along with the rest of the poem, both in terms of substances as well as form. To me, it read like one of those lines which are often used by poets to appear deep, but don't really say anything; which was a real shame as the rest of your poem is fantastic, very deep and very... distressing.

[dorian hanes]

The word is despair.

I don't know if I like "screaming car," or "shrieking cars?"

A very inquisitive piece, in someway mysterious but in a constructive way.

[Masa]

I'm teasing you Vincentii, hahahaha. No worries not understanding stuff. Heck, I rarely understand it myself.

Sorry RENA, I don't know why I spell it wrong all the time...

[Corneac]

A somber song to days of old

The words sombre Masa..geez...haha

Ok. The title pissed me off, you only capitalized Their and it pissed me off. Sorry, and if you don't like it...suffer in your jocks. lol. Nah, awesome though. Thoroughly entrancing and great description. You go Masa...keep writing dude.

[Masa]

Their is capitalized for a reason Corneac... hehehehe, and I'll fix it right away.

[Dark-huntress]

i liked this one too. very very much. However there was also some part thats made me pause and start all over again.

Quieter than the shrieking cars,
More silent than the footstep,
Less noticed than the human breath,
Heard only in the silence,
Past the rustling leaves of trees,
Wait and carefully listen.

I liked this especially. but see here for example

Quieter than the shrieking cars,
More silent than footsteps? the footstep,
Less noticed than the human breath,
Heard only in the silence,
Past the rustling leaves of trees,
Wait and carefully listen

I'm not an expert on poems or anything but most of it sort of flowed very well and then when i came to wait and carefully listen part...i paused. but still maybe thats a good thing your making the reader actually pause to listen. haha that just came to me. anyway some parts had a of rhythm of their own unlike the rest. still good.

behind shadows of the stars.

ahhh i like that very much. beautiful imagery.

[psycosis]

I love it........I feel it is pure genius.......the third stanza creates alot of imagery and thought.......I have now read this like 10 times and love it.....kudos Mesa

[Dark-huntress]

this is why before, when i surfed writing/poetry sites ..i'd only read and go to the 'dark' poetry sections hoping to find poetry such as this.


dark, deadly and lovely to read.

[sawreese]

Formed by humanity's death,

Rhythm was amazing! This part slowed me down a bit though. I don't know why... but it stopped me in my tracks.

Depressing
Alluring
Real
KOOWL
!

Rating... 9.2/10! Nice!

[Persephone]

Hmm, the way you but your words together to make a phrase is different than normal, not that it's bad, but it makes your piece very unique. I liked it well enough, nothing really wrong with it, perhaps not my cup of tea ^_^