[Jess1016]

A shattered window
A broken life
Crippled for all to see

A constant pity
Aggravation
Respect comes with a fee

A wasted day
A useless being
Abandoned by society

A lonely corner
A locked door
Life has turned its back on me

[Jon%]

aww, poor you.

[Venus]

lol, JonnyTall...you asshole.

I really liked this poem. Very simple and to the point, but it conveyed it's meaning. If you used a little more imagery, you'd really be able to make the reader feel your pain.

[Jon%]

heh, sorry, for some reason this one struck me. Usually I try to ignore the poetry

[Derik]

Very nicely written, and the meaning is really strongly felt. I like it ^_^

[Rain]

Hey Jess, I liked it, it's something that a lot of people can relate to and it's certainly relatable for me as of late. The rhyme scheme was well executed, the only line it didn't work too good was in the third stanza where it lost it's flow just a little bit. Minor things could be changed, but nothing big at all (puncuation wise is all). I really really like it. Good job.

[Vail]

Not a bad write at all.. could use a little touch-up, but most writes can. I agree with Tay (Rain) that your third stanza is the cause of a lot of the flow problem. For one, your first line in each stanza has five syllables, except for in your third stanza. Also, your third line in the third stanza gets a little long. If I were you I'd chop this up into a freeform, so you can express all the ideas you want to, without the constraints of four pretty stanzas holding you back.

Or... you could just make every line in each stanza the exact syllable length. Like all of your first lines five, all of your second lines either four or five, and then whatever you feel is best for your thrid lines. Syllable count goes a long way in making a poem flow smoothly, the fact that you are rhyming compliments that and would make for a very easy read. Anyhow, thanks for sharing.

[Lubesh]

Technicals aside, your elad in was pretty hefty and it could have gone one way or many but you took us to the place...very well done.

[Peppy]

Damn, this is sad. It was short and to the point. Great choices in imagery, dude made me feel sad and depressed, and I can relate to the many thing you said in here. But I think it needs just a little nip and tuck, but not too much to call this plastic.

Now I'm starting to feel better. My eyes are open.----->

[Blink]

Originally Posted by Jess1016

A shattered window,
A broken life,
Crippled for all to see.

A constant pity,
Aggravation,
Respect comes with a fee.

A wasted day,
A useless being,
Abandoned by society.

A lonely corner,
A locked door,
Life has turned its back on me.

As you can see in the way I put I fixed puncuation, nothing fancy just a touch up to maybe help the flow. I agree the 3rd stanza stuck out a little, but right now I can't think of a way to change it without taking the word society out, and take that out and the personal touch to the poem is taken out, so I say just leave it, enless somebody has a brilliant word/line change. Now to the poem, it was very emotional, and sad, and seemed to have a personal touch to it, and I enjoyed that aspect of it. It was cool, good stuff.

-Scott