Hey there Vincent- this is a really interesting poem man!
There are some tecniques you used that I like allot; for instance the pattern of sound repetition. You did a great job of replacing a rhyme scheme with a pattern of sounds and it did wonders for the flow of the work.
It's set up like an abab cdcd:
thorn-crying rose-world
life-strike dreams- misery
The sounds aren't as crisp as rhymes, but the simmilarities in sound are unmistakable as the reader continues. Nicely done.
It may be my subconcious playing tricks on me, but it seemed like it could be performed as a song... (This could be from your avatar though )
Anyway, just post up a response here to let me kow you read this, and I'll get the poem posted up. Nice work.
Nice vincent! This is pretty cool, I think I've missed most of your poetry to date man, but this was great. Great rhythm and you had some really evocative images in there, the bird, music...everything. A grandiose mesh of metaphors, it was sort of depressing but also inspirational in it's won way.
Struck a real chord with me mate. I loved it. Great job.
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"Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast;
That both his thumbs are off at last.
Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad, and shows his hands;-
"Ah!" said Mamma "I knew he'd come
To naughty little Suck-a-Thumb." - The Story of Suck-a-Thumb, Heinrich Hoffman
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Linear Mode
