Tick. Tick.Tick.
Yearn to petrify the clock
Bragging that it's powerful
Dragging my stubborn soul
Just stop, stop ticking
Drip. Drip.Drip.
Morphine just won't numb
Tearing life at the seams
Smashing my tender dreams
Just stop, stop dripping
Drop. Drop.Drop.
Tears drowning my feet
Swirling my constant fears
Twirling with yesteryears
Just stop, stop dropping
Pound. Pound.Pound.
Heart's stuck on Prestissimo
Beating through my chest
Speeding what little is left
Just stop, stop pounding
Tick Please
Drip I'm begging
Drop Just stop
Pound
Flat line to eternal silence
No time
No pain
No tears
No heartbeat Just release...
Floating
Into death's welcoming arms
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Last edited by Venomous Vixen; 26-10-2007 at 07:40 AM.
I must say that this title is what brought me here. Eternalpen was attracted to Eternal Silence, can you guess why?
Anyway, I loved this. There was a flow to it the way each stanza started, and I like the way each stanza kind of had it's own intro. At the end, each intro came together to build up to that final few words. The words, by the way (ALL of them!), were unexpected.
The poem at first seemed to say one thing, then a completely different thing, then ANOTHER different thing, but that last stanza that had an "intro" I guessed before I read it you would say for it to stop, but I still didn't expect it when I read it. Odd... It sort of surprised me at the same time I knew I had it right. ^_^ I thought then, "Is this like a suicidal poem?" but when I continued to read, though I never quite understood what, I realized this had something with deeper meaning than a simple "Can I die now?"
I, Personally, have trouble comprehending poetry, but I try. Though I never really felt like I grasped this as much as I could, I still enjoyed this IMMENSELY. Understanding and comprehending are two very different things, and I enjoyed this more than anything else I have read all day.
Excellent work, and keep it up, PLEASE! For my sake, KEEP IT UP! ^_^
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII
Aww Bri...and you call em talented. Geez. Whenever you say that I wanna hit you over the head with a oversized novelty baseball mitt. This...is bloody amazing and you know it. Just everything the into into each stanza, the way you brought them all tother and sheer emotional totality of it all. One of my favourite pieces form you to date. just brimming with earnest emotion...man...lol
Technically, it was also bloody refreshing. A real easy poem to read...but one that makes you think you know? You used the differing aspects of sound to their full effect and carried the metaphor all the way through so well. And you say I do that well...you can’t bloody talk. Eve the italicized, bolded font was well used.
I loved it...and you made me real sd. Thanks a lot. lol. nah....awesome...what a poem!
__________________
"Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast;
That both his thumbs are off at last.
Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad, and shows his hands;-
"Ah!" said Mamma "I knew he'd come
To naughty little Suck-a-Thumb." - The Story of Suck-a-Thumb, Heinrich Hoffman
Pound. Pound. Pound.
Heart's stuck on Prestissimo
Beating through my chest
Speeding what little is left
Just stop, stop beating
First I wondered about the stopping of ur pattern ..using beating rather than 'pounding' and wondered if deliberate or other.
Lastly, that was bloody good. The plea towards the end, restating all your key elements intermxed with a voice was powerful, desperate.......good stuff!
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...
250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!
EP - haha yes I know why you were drawn to this one And don't worry, I don't plan on stopping writing anytime soon... it is too much of a release! Thank you for the kind words!
Chris - I've chalked it up to you just love to make me blush but seriously, thank you... oh and I am coming to take away all of your "oversized novelty baseball mits" might mess up my hair lol
Lu - Haha not sure about the beating/pounding thing, it just sounded right to me... the sounds that reflected the images in my mind. Also, thank you!!
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
And don't worry, I don't plan on stopping writing anytime soon... it is too much of a release! Thank you for the kind words!
but seriously, thank you... oh and I am coming to take away all of your "oversized novelty baseball mits" might mess up my hair lol
Linear Mode
