[Vail]

Supplanting travesties with tragedies
Under the circumstances, I know
Involvement in your mind games
Cloud-like apertures afloat
Insanity isn't what is real
Diagnosis still unknown
Echoes of answers unspoken

Obviously we're all lost
Friends that really aren't, show

Travel with me through uncertainty
How or where shall we go
Eclipsing reason with wanderlust

Mental images can terrorize
Including those of hope
Naught one more do I want to see
Destroying myself, I go

[Storiesmaniac]

Mmmmmmm mmmmm loved it, I always love your work, it makes you think long and hard about things alot of the time you try not to think about...it was great, i only had one problem with the line "Friends that really aren't show" it just seems a little force, and not fitting withthe flow..could be wrong...just my two cents
great peice

[Lubesh]

Same stumbling block amid a rich bag..as usual....top notch.


A comma perhaps

Friends that really aren't, show"

[Venomous Vixen]

Supplanting travesties with tragedies

First off, I missed watching you and your command of the language, it always blows me away. This line... it was more than an incredible opener, it was just plain incredible - and easy to relate to

The whole first stanza, you almost sound angry, perhaps disappointed... it's a semi-different tone from you, past cynical and sarcastic, seemingly hurt.

Second stanza - I like the additional comma. I read it yesterday when you posted it and now, it flows much better and the meaning becomes more clear.

Travel with me through uncertainty
How or where shall we go
Eclipsing reason with wanderlust

By far, my favorite part of the piece. Somehow you just manage to say things in a way that I assume everyone can relate or perhaps that is just me but regardless, it's a bit unnerving and yet somehow relieving at the same time. 'wanderlust' that has got to be one of my favorite words and it fit quite well here.

Mental images can terrorize
Including those of hope

Ha! I have been thinking about this in particular a lot lately. Being cynical is not such a bad thing, I let myself think the best out a little while back and when the worst happened I resorted back to not thinking 'hopefully', it just does no good.

The last lines, well I took them a few ways but all seemed like the easy way out - not writing wise, I can't fault you there, but emotionally. Whether it be pills or literal death, none face the demons. I guess it was predictable and I expect a bit more from you, even if it is one of your favorite subjects.

Overall this was an incredible piece of work, some of those images... amazing. After not seeing your work for so long I think I appreciate it all over again. Good to have you back

[Vail]

Thank you all for your reviews.. I was hoping that someone would catch that it's also an acrostic... Meh oh well, thank you all for your time, it is appreciated.

[Venomous Vixen]

Originally Posted by Vail

I was hoping that someone would catch that it's also an acrostic...

so it is, I think that just made it even better.

[veronicataz]

"Heartbreaking. Digs pretty deep."

Originally Posted by Vail

Supplanting travesties with tragedies
Under the circumstances, I know
Involvement in your mind games
Cloud-like apertures afloat
Insanity isn't what is real
Diagnosis still unknown
Echoes of answers unspoken

Obviously we're all lost
Friends that really aren't, show

Travel with me through uncertainty
How or where shall we go
Eclipsing reason with wanderlust

Mental images can terrorize
Including those of hope
Naught one more do I want to see
Destroying myself, I go

[veronicataz]

"It's true. We live to die."

Originally Posted by Vail

Supplanting travesties with tragedies
Under the circumstances, I know
Involvement in your mind games
Cloud-like apertures afloat
Insanity isn't what is real
Diagnosis still unknown
Echoes of answers unspoken

Obviously we're all lost
Friends that really aren't, show

Travel with me through uncertainty
How or where shall we go
Eclipsing reason with wanderlust

Mental images can terrorize
Including those of hope
Naught one more do I want to see
Destroying myself, I go

[Rain]

Hey Vail, this one certainly makes one think, I caught that it was an acrostic, which makes it even better. The only thing I can suggest is adding a little more puncuation to help the flow, I don't know if it was only me but at times it lost some flow because the lack of puncuation, but that's not a big issue. I also really like the first line.

"Supplanting travesties with tragedies"

It was such a great way to start. Good stuff Vail.

Tay