[Bluejay]

Cars speed by,
heading elsewhere
whipping my empty shell,
as I walk,
stagger,
stumble.

Eyes don’t see.
Don’t see me.

Images flash by,
connections lost,
painful strangers
to reborn eyes,
stressed,
repressed.

The child inside is crying,
building up,
pent up,
ready to burst.

The voice screams within.
Hear me…

Flowers curl away.
Bushes turn up their noses.
Trees stand aloof,
arms crossed,
eyes closed.

The child inside keeps crying.
But it’s still crying inside.

Then,
after a while,
the adult pats its head
and sets his jaw.

[Maylar]

I find this very well said and really enjoyed reading it...but I like the “cut” ending the most, as adult takes the main role and in a moment, complete episode is over. Poem itself is simple and yet quite complicate in meaning, and I really like it.

[Rakkasan]

Either you're going to have to get out of the habit of writing such deeply moving poetry, or I'm going to have to stop reading it so late at night.

You know, BJ, at first I pictured the sullen feelings of a turtle being described here, but then it became obvious that it was much more than that. I had to stop, start over, and read it again. Now I visualize a bum, or other social outcast, being "passed by".

I'm probably still all wet on the interpretation of it, but hey...

[Bluejay]

Thank you both for your comments. Yes, the "cut" ending came to me suddenly; it provided a way out. Perhaps I'm just not meant to write with utter despair.

And, Rakkasan, your take on "social outcast" is eerily close to the feeling that went into this. I think you captured in a phrase what I was going for without even realizing it.

[Rain]

Hey Jay.. this was really good(but you already know that)I honestly liked the first stanza the most, it was fantastic... flowed perfectly, and I got the image of a cars driving by in the night and lights flashing into a window where the person lays... don't ask how, all I know is that's what I imagined... nothing else to say except for terrific job.