[Venomous Vixen]

Troubled waters, troubled tides,
masked behind your troubled mind-
In the wake of the waves, your lies
surmise the passing foam, they pop,
bubble and hiss, spit against the shore,
as trouble wades against the ocean floor.

Troubled waters, troubled tides,
masked inside your troubled mind-
In an undertow of regret, your life
drowns in the crash, it’s washed,
tossed and lost, spit against the shore,
as trouble wades along the ocean floor.

Troubled waters, troubled tides,
masks confine your troubled mind-
In the depths of the sea, your world
swirls the what ifs, they haunt,
flaunt and taunt, spit against the shore,
as trouble wades your mind evermore.

[Rain]

Hey Bri, I really enjoyed it. I liked how you did this, and the flow was perfect throughout... the subtle changed through stanzas were really cool. Awesome poem Bri

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks very much, Tay. This was written for a very dear friend.

[Vorcla]

Hmmm. Interesting - almost a contradiction. The theme is turmoil, yet the tone is very calming and soothing, as are the words. Lots of onomatopoeia - sound devices - and metaphors, and wonderful imagery. The water metaphor is telling and effective, and the wonderful internal rhyme - "haunt, taunt, and flaunt" was especially good. Nicely done.

[Jimbalaya]

It speaks to me. I fully agree with Rick. I got a sense of turmoil as well, but lying beneath, in the rythym of the piece, something tranquil if that makes sense. Maybe smoother waters to come? Nicely done, Bri.

[Phonoho]

If not for the repetition, this reminded me of someone else's style, someone, perhaps, you know well, or at least better than I, as if you were influenced by his particular and highly unique style and voice. I can see this paired with another set of sextains, building on the oceanic metaphors, perhaps highlighting the Moon and it's unique influences. Very nice.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you all very much. I have not looked at this much since I posted, but I just got a kick of reading it aloud.

[Lubesh]

I agree re the kick....amazing chant...and beauitful write.....

[Vorcla]

Ah, yes - I remeber again how much I loved this.

[Rain]

Originally Posted by Rain

Hey Bri, I really enjoyed it. I liked how you did this, and the flow was perfect throughout... the subtle changed through stanzas were really cool. Awesome poem Bri

I still agree with myself, very nice piece, Bri.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks Lu, and Rick and Tay again