A faint yellow glare bounces off my white painted walls.
A slight flick in my head and my security trips and falls.
Your voice is boiling through my veins,
your voice is lurking in my brain.
The glare dims, the darkness begins to grow.
I need something, somebody I know.
I need a fresh start, a new heart.
Can I restart so I don’t come apart?
Searching for the answers, but I can't find them.
A time forever lost, but I’m still living back then.
Now sitting in pure darkness I’m blind,
As I’m wrapped in your powerful bind.
My limbs are tied, my lips are sealed.
I’m awaiting the torture you carry on your tongue.
My world comes crashing down with your words.
Words that I don’t even care about.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
There's nothing like a destructive relationship to grab a hold of you and not let go. It can really eat at you, and you've captured that beautifully here. Now that you explained it to me, I actually do like that the last stanza doesn't rhyme. It's dischordant, jarring, but on further reading, I think that works in your favor. This relationship is dissonant too, and the rhyming change reflects and enhances narrator's dread. Very well done!
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Your battles inspired me - not the obvious material battles
but those that were fought and won behind your forehead.
I’m awaiting the torture you carry on your tongue.
My world comes crashing down with your words.
Words that I don’t even care about.
Excellent lines, very well written! They say how sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt. What an absolute lie! Words can make a person or they can destroy them.
In a modern society where violence has increasingly less meaning as a way of getting what you want, words are powerful and ground-shaking things, and the appreciation or disregard of a loved one can have a profound affect on our mental state. You capture this perfectly.
I especially enjoy the ambiguous, conflicting last line. Many times I've found myself thinking,
"I don't even care what you think, so why am I so annoyed by this!?"
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Do not lie to the Chair Leg of Truth, for it is wise and terrible.
Excellent lines, very well written! They say how sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt. What an absolute lie! Words can make a person or they can destroy them.
In a modern society where violence has increasingly less meaning as a way of getting what you want, words are powerful and ground-shaking things, and the appreciation or disregard of a loved one can have a profound affect on our mental state. You capture this perfectly.
I especially enjoy the ambiguous, conflicting last line. Many times I've found myself thinking,
"I don't even care what you think, so why am I so annoyed by this!?"
Thanks, Beagle. And get your ass back here.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
Early Rain. I like the fact that this is edgy, and as Tricia mentioned, the destructive relationship angle draws in the reader; it's like watching a car wreck - you can't look away. Interesting to go back and look at people's earlier stuff to see their latent talent. It's easy to see why this was a Pick.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
You know I love your style of writing and this is in many points you, so there's hardly more to say about it...but of course, I have to make this a bit longer.
You reminded me on something with this one, something I won’t share now, but still something quite painful too me, from another time.
But even without a personal angle, this speaks about hurting with words, and those wounds can be so deep and painful...
So I must appreciate this poem because a great writing and because of a theme.
Good one, Rain...you did it again
__________________ The clowns were passing, and everybody knows that inside, somewhere, their hearts are broken.
I need a fresh start, a new heart.
Can I restart so I don’t come apart?
Favorite Lines. Theres a time in everyone's life where they wish they could just undo everything and start again.
Is this describing a sort of, abusive relationship? I liked it, you usually don't first think of the boy when you think of bad relationships. But everyone is capable of being nasty and mean, so there you go.
It had a good twisted pattern, half rhyming, half free verse. Fit with disjointed feelings *thumbs up*
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and you're the one who showed to me the sky
it's so much more than you and i
and darling i wish i had the time
the river is whispering goodbye
Tay M, this is the first of your work I have read, and I like it.
Quote:
A faint yellow glare bounces off my white painted walls.
A slight flick in my head and my security trips and falls.
The opening lines are very familiar with me, especially the second. Very nice imagery conveying emotional instability.
Overall this was really nice, though, sadly or thankfully ( I am not sure) I cannot completely relate to horrible dating arrangements. Nonetheless this was filled with depressing imagery, with truth, which I love.
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"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan in "Cosmos"
beautiful depiction of an internal struggle we all suffer through....... very nice man
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I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain and yet, I'm still here to explain.
That the darkest hour never comes in the night, you can sleep with a gun....but when ya gonna wake up and fight.......for yourself -Shinedown
Re: [PICK] Glare
Linear Mode
