[PICK] Glare

[Rain]

A faint yellow glare bounces off my white painted walls.
A slight flick in my head and my security trips and falls.
Your voice is boiling through my veins,
your voice is lurking in my brain.

The glare dims, the darkness begins to grow.
I need something, somebody I know.
I need a fresh start, a new heart.
Can I restart so I don’t come apart?

Searching for the answers, but I can't find them.
A time forever lost, but I’m still living back then.
Now sitting in pure darkness I’m blind,
As I’m wrapped in your powerful bind.

My limbs are tied, my lips are sealed.
I’m awaiting the torture you carry on your tongue.
My world comes crashing down with your words.
Words that I don’t even care about.

[dearest]

There's nothing like a destructive relationship to grab a hold of you and not let go. It can really eat at you, and you've captured that beautifully here. Now that you explained it to me, I actually do like that the last stanza doesn't rhyme. It's dischordant, jarring, but on further reading, I think that works in your favor. This relationship is dissonant too, and the rhyming change reflects and enhances narrator's dread. Very well done!

[Lubesh]

I would echo the above,if I had went to school more lol but i agree....a strange one but interesting and exciting dare I say in terms ofyour talent.

Did you mean limps? limbs, lichees, libido..jsut asking.

[Rain]

Whoops, it was supposed to be limbs. Thanks.

[Beagle]

I’m awaiting the torture you carry on your tongue.
My world comes crashing down with your words.
Words that I don’t even care about.

Excellent lines, very well written! They say how sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt. What an absolute lie! Words can make a person or they can destroy them.

In a modern society where violence has increasingly less meaning as a way of getting what you want, words are powerful and ground-shaking things, and the appreciation or disregard of a loved one can have a profound affect on our mental state. You capture this perfectly.

I especially enjoy the ambiguous, conflicting last line. Many times I've found myself thinking,
"I don't even care what you think, so why am I so annoyed by this!?"

[Rain]

Originally Posted by Beagle

Excellent lines, very well written! They say how sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt. What an absolute lie! Words can make a person or they can destroy them.

In a modern society where violence has increasingly less meaning as a way of getting what you want, words are powerful and ground-shaking things, and the appreciation or disregard of a loved one can have a profound affect on our mental state. You capture this perfectly.

I especially enjoy the ambiguous, conflicting last line. Many times I've found myself thinking,
"I don't even care what you think, so why am I so annoyed by this!?"

Thanks, Beagle. And get your ass back here.

[Vorcla]

Early Rain. I like the fact that this is edgy, and as Tricia mentioned, the destructive relationship angle draws in the reader; it's like watching a car wreck - you can't look away. Interesting to go back and look at people's earlier stuff to see their latent talent. It's easy to see why this was a Pick.

[Rain]

Thanks, Rick.

[Maylar]

You know I love your style of writing and this is in many points you, so there's hardly more to say about it...but of course, I have to make this a bit longer.
You reminded me on something with this one, something I won’t share now, but still something quite painful too me, from another time.
But even without a personal angle, this speaks about hurting with words, and those wounds can be so deep and painful...
So I must appreciate this poem because a great writing and because of a theme.
Good one, Rain...you did it again