Go Back   StoriesMania - short stories, poems, and more online fiction > Reading Corner > Poetic Cafe [Advanced Verse] > Depression & Despair

ForwardPress

Notices

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 13-05-2009, 03:29 PM
Vail's Avatar
SM's Disappearing Act
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Denver
Posts: 679
Vail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary member
Points: 91,090.23
Bank: 111,817.16
Total Points: 202,907.39
How was/is Reno? - Venomous Vixen You gave me a chuckle lol - Lubesh Why the hell not? :D - Syrah Latte is for pussies. This is espresso, straight up. - Phonoho After 34 views and no comments, I was beginning to think I'd pissed off the coal lobby! - jerH 
Send a message via MSN to Vail Send a message via Yahoo to Vail
Cheap Red Wine

Spring nights with the stars.
Crescent moon bearing witness.
No lies underneath this dark
sky, it can see the truth.

It knows you, you know you,
or you should.
Bottle of red to your left.
Drink up, life isn't so grand
that you can waste
it like you do food.

Thank you, Red.
A gateway through
which I can write.

I still wasted it.
__________________
I'm abrasive, direct, and generally as helpful as I know how to be. If I cause you some offense, please let me know, and then do your best to get over it. Thanks.
Reply With Quote
Old 14-05-2009, 02:28 AM
Venomous Vixen's Avatar
The Cat's Meow
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 4,571
Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!
Points: 289,149.91
Bank: 52,273,577.29
Total Points: 52,562,727.20
Happy you day! :) Forget about the numbers ;) - Syrah The black rose is my favorite of all so I give it to you as a thank you....... Reading your writing is such a pleasure that nice comments come easy - psycosis Miss you - badly. But you know that... - Vorcla Hey - think I just missed you...  :( - Vorcla Hi there! I miss you too! Hows my online drinking buddy? - Wordsmyth 
Send a message via MSN to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Yahoo to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Skype™ to Venomous Vixen
Re: Cheap Red Wine

Quote:
Drink up, life isn't so grand
that you can waste
it like you do food.
Last line, every time I read it I kept saying 'good food' in my head... not sure why.

The end is a bit abrupt, I am still deciding if that is a good or bad thing. I liked the way you started pretty, stage set, and then talked as an observer, an almost conversation with someone else which in the third stanza we find is really you.

The last line was probably my favorite... and it is a rare time it could work as past or present tense 'I still wasted it' 'I still waste it' and I like both, but I think you selected the right one, especially if you are referring back to the poem you just wrote. Good to see your writing again.
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth View Post
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Reply With Quote
Old 14-05-2009, 08:47 AM
smokeytehmonstr's Avatar
lover undercover
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 829
smokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary membersmokeytehmonstr is an Honorary member
Points: 100,654.64
Bank: 9,466.18
Total Points: 110,120.82
For the Apartment story. - Gurdit If there's ever a popularity contest, vote for me...or Nupur. :D - Gurdit this is a blueberry cheesecake icecream. i made it myself. thanks for the rep =) - Abuel Wish we had more people like you here...people who comment without having a gun held to their heads. Thanks, man. - Vorcla your honest with your reviews i like that. and when you like something you really tell me. thanks, very much appreciated! - Dark-huntress 
Send a message via MSN to smokeytehmonstr Send a message via Skype™ to smokeytehmonstr
Re: Cheap Red Wine

I like the last line the best, actually. This was great, Vail. It flowed easily and maintained my interest. Great work!
__________________
"True progress means / matching the world to / the vision in our heads / but we always change / the vision instead"

-Thrice, "Circles"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT +9. The time now is 09:36 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
A vBSkinworks Design
Copyright © 1999 - 2009, StoriesMania.Net