[Vail]

Silence builds up, lasting forever
Inside of me, memory neurons twitch
Slowly released, fabric of greed
Nothing makes sense, no one believes

Shaking, shuddering, violence held back
Racing, running, away from the past
Eyes unblinded, seeing untold truths
Negative emotions pervade within, through

I feel distracted, not lost, but found
Rescued by no one, only myself
The tow rope, the floaty, the life line cast out
I threw them and jumped, belief without doubt

Walls closing in, illusionary visions
Liquid distortion, tears from your eyes
Exhaling, unconfidence, your only best friend
Living in the mirror, but more so in your head

I have tasted your loss, and reveled in it
I have bested your best, and gloated about it
I have never lost to you, and sometimes I wish
I wasn't so arrogant, so right, so complete

Cocaine diaries, marijuana mysteries
Drugs polluting your body, only they feel right
Unreasonable dictions, restless behavior
I'm gone, only temporary, I'll be here tomorrow

[Dark Kitten]

Good use of vocabulary and excellent flow and structure. The stanza:

I have tasted your loss, and reveled in it
I have bested your best, and gloated about it
I have never lost to you, and sometimes I wish
I wasn't so arrogant, so right, so complete

though different than the others brings a lot to the poem because it stands out and says a lot.
Excellent work. I have enjoyed your contributions to storiesmania, keep it comming.
~DK

[Vail]

Thank you very much DK, your comments are greatly appreciated. That's probably one of my favorite stanzas I've written, ever. Most people overlook it, I'm glad you emphasized it. Thanks.

[Dark Kitten]

You're welcome, I can see why it would be a favourite, I have just read it again and it really is an excellent stanza. Beautifully crafted and intrical in this poem,though it could stand alone easily.
~DK

[DarkPower]

Ahh, I like it. I really had to get past the title and really just read the poem. Its an interestingly good poem in a way. I dont think it is that different actualy, I thought it was before I really read it but now that I do its good. Its poetry, I guess I was scared of it being some sort of beastly drug adiction poem or something. Forgive me for that.

[Vail]

I'm glad you like it, and of course I forgive you. The title is a bit deceiving.. but it still speaks volumes.. usually catches the readers eye. As always, thanks for posting on my poetry^^

[DarkPower]

You are always welcome, I should take heed not to judge a poem by its title.

[Storiesmaniac]

smooth. I did enjoy that one, and yes the title was quite a trick. lol. Good work.

[Laughing Man]

It was a good poem, exentuating the detail of cocain, very unique in that aspect, It mad me feel like I was actually there, lol.

[Lubesh]

A good piece is something thatcan derive many applications and interpretations, very clever and i love ur lavish words and u can tell u love to use them! great stuff.

[Elvisceration]

"Early one morning while making the rounds, I had a shot of cociane and I shot my woman down..." Johnny Cash did it much better! Actually, a good poem, admirably disorientated. However phrases like 'Negative emotions' need to be more specific. Nice turn of phrase thoughout, good.

[Gigle]

"Shaking, shuddering, violence held back
Racing, running, away from the past
Eyes unblinded, seeing untold truths
Negative emotions pervade within, through"

I think just this stanza would have made a wonderful poem, but the whole thing is just amazing! Very powerful. Good job

[Vail]

Thank you very much Gigle. This is one of my better works I think.. lots of good stuff in this one^^ Thanks for your comments.

[Storiesmaniac]

HEY VAIL i havent heard from you in a while where you been?

[adrenalyn]

I also made assumptions due to the title, I thought it was going to be a depressing monologue of self pity but thankfully it's not. It is a really interesting and well written poem. It seems like you put a lot of thought into each word used. Clever use of the words "mirror" and "twitch".

[dark_angel29]

The title caught my eye. At first I thought it would be this cheap story, but when I read it, I really liked it. Clever use of words. I wish I could write poems like that!!

[Lost Snail]

I liked the impressions it gave me, on first reading I thought the form was a little a clumsy, but then on second reading I realise it makes perfect sense. Could almost be something from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Good work.

[rjd_39]

An insight into a druggies life? Are we speaking from experience here.....? I think this would be ideal as a teaching tool for High School students to learn about drugs.

[Lost Snail]

Don't be silly, this would teach kids nothing about drugs. And since most 'druggies' lives are vastly different it could be hardly called an insight. Possibly an insight into one particular experience.

[Laughing Man]

Snail knows from experience....what an aberrant coincidence...lol