Miserable Malcontents

[Vail]

Scabbed over promises
Bring to fruition
Uncompromised failures

Stairway spins up
Only one destination
A cardboard facade heaven

Vomit stained T-shirt
Prelude to the fiction
Of your originality

Wasting away again
A useless past-time
Prayers, returned to sender

Hollow deep inside
Another suicide?
It's how I'll always end it

[DarkPower]

I love 'Another suicide?' Reminds me of the fact that god damnit this stupid jumping smilie is so damn annoying.. sorry but its just really getting to me and i want to kill it.

ok lets talk about the poem. I dont like the picture it gives me but the idea that you can hurt yourself so terribly that its like a suicide is .. umm real? interesting? something people should take heed of?

[Dark Kitten]

Prelude to the fiction
Of your originality

Excellent line there. I like your works, the words you use and the creativity in which you use them is very good, very fresh and original. Keep it up.
~DK

[Vail]

Yeah.. I can't say my style is original.. but it is different. I try to go for the abstract poetry concept, but give it flow and rhythm without rhyming. Rhyming just seems so lame and over-used.. meh.. that's my 'prelude to the fiction, of my originality,' I guess. Whateva. And, 'Another Suicide?' I love that line.. it's so... out there. Thanks for noticing.

[Dark Kitten]

Practically all my poems rhyme in some way... so
Yes "Another suicide" is good too.
~DK

[Storiesmaniac]

i c why these two lovely ladies like to comment on your works alot, they are very good. Keep up the great work.

[Vail]

Thanks for the comments. I like my work too^^ You should post more of your own up. Heh.

[sensitive1]

This is pretty deep. Good use of words.

[Storiesmaniac]

i should, but then that means i'd have to let people see them. That's a very scary prospect.

[Venomous Vixen]

Great imagery and use of metephor here. The opening line hooked me. I always have a little trouble figuring out the exact meaning of your poems. Actually it is welcomed because it gets me thinking. Initially I thought this was all about God, or the lack thereof, but then you hit me with the suicide line and really confused me.

I like the emotion you managed to pack in so few lines. My favorite being "Prayers, returned to sender" Pleasure to read

[Vail]

Yeah, as aforementioned, I try to go for an abstract concept in nearly every one of my poems. I'm a big fan of contradictory lines, it's probably a flaw, another one of my big things is the three word list.. I do it all the time, and I feel it steals away from what I'm doing.. only because I've replicated it so many times.

This is probably, by far, my own personal favorite. I don't throw it out there too much, because I'm aware that it only falls into the mediocre-to-good column of poetry, maybe if I got unlazy I could spruce it up a bit.

Prayers, returned to sender; is also my favorite line.. it just hit me one day, and I was like, BAM, gotta throw that into the poem.

The first stanza was about how I hate when I don't follow through with a promise.. hence the failure part. The second stanza is how I don't believe in a heaven, hence the cardboard facade. The third stanza is/was about my alcoholism, and how when I would wake up with a vomit stained t-shirt, I would have to realize my complete and utter conformity as a young male. The third line was in general about having no direction in life, and those that do believe, praying for that direction, and not receiving it. The last stanza was about how shallow/hollow a person I truly am, and that eventually I will probably kill myself (50-60) range.. and just relating the inevitability of such a conclusion to my semi-disturbing life.

Umm, that's the poem broken down in a nutshell.

[Venomous Vixen]

Ahhh, that makes much more sense to me now. Plus, it now is much more meaningful as well. I do not think repetition of style or contradictory lines are a flaw but a reflection of who you are and the inner turmoil you experience. If your poetry read the same everytime I would soon be bored and not look forward to reading every single one, or looking back and reading even the oldest ones. Your words are touching and provoke thoughts in me, you truly have a gift my dear.

[Andromeda]

Great metaphors, Vail. No one can quite draw such an elaborate picture and show such emotion in so little words as you. I enjoy reading your work, and I hope you'll come up with another extravagent poem soon.