Emotional scar tissue
Trace amounts of disgrace
Irascible beauty
They make up your face
Withering depression
Sprinkles of hate
Damnable travasties
I hope it's too late
Symbiotic partners
Seven layers of risque
Molting contentment
No magic words that can save
Morosely infected
Soul turns ash-gray
No better way to go
Than a suicide in May
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I'm abrasive, direct, and generally as helpful as I know how to be. If I cause you some offense, please let me know, and then do your best to get over it. Thanks.
Wow, Vail. I like the rythm, and the rythme. Very despressing, as much of your work is. Good job!
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"But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think."
Yeah this was a poem about someone I knew that had commited suicide in May, I feel this one does him much more justice than one I had written for him awhile back. Thanks for your comments ladies^^
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I'm abrasive, direct, and generally as helpful as I know how to be. If I cause you some offense, please let me know, and then do your best to get over it. Thanks.
Whew. Now that was a fantastic, one of my favourite poems I’ve read of yours, and indeed on the site for while. Flawless rhythm and rhyme, and I can't believe this one doesn't have more comments. I was really impressed with you word choice, concise and hard-hitting. No wasted words. Just a really strong poem, I'm struggling for thing to say. I could go on about how could it is, and I can't find anything to criticise. Amazing piece really, well done.
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"Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast;
That both his thumbs are off at last.
Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad, and shows his hands;-
"Ah!" said Mamma "I knew he'd come
To naughty little Suck-a-Thumb." - The Story of Suck-a-Thumb, Heinrich Hoffman
I much enjoyed the rhyme and rhythm; the words too were straight to the point with imagery and emotions. I was sadden to read of your friend, but did this write help just a little to deal with the passing? To remember the betters times spent when you were together in life?
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If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
I really liked this. I thought it painted a very clear and vivid emotional picture. I loved your word choices, very thoughtfully provocative, if that makes sense at all. Nice rhyme scheme, too, that wasn't forced but fit naturally with the flow. Reading this made me feel brittle and sad. In other words, well done.
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"Those weak things that would scratch you do only stroke you." - Armand
"I am not your rolling wheels. I am the highway.
I am not your carpet ride. I am the sky..."
That was really sad. And flawless. Your choice of words, the rythm, it was all amazing.I'd love to pick up my favourite stanza here, but I guess I'd end up copying and pasting the entire thing. Amazing work!
this was actually elegent! chic!! lol ... no seriously, the flow was great, the rhyme effortless, the turn of phrase unique and superb ... all a true example of what a good poem should be!
I know I have read this, somehow managed to miss the whole comment bit. As always, your flow and from were perfect... neat and tidy yet still packed with that punch you do so well. In particular, "Seven layers of risque" struck me, and I can only assume you were referring to the seven deadly sins, which is brilliant really. You do dark well, disturbingly well... and that last line has something of a nonchalant feel to it which makes this even more clever. As always, wonderful and again, I miss these from you.
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"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
This is pretty old, but I can see you've always been a talented writer. I'd have to simply agree with the comments above, because they took the words rigt out of my mouth.
Btw, killer last line, by far my favorite.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
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