Go Back   StoriesMania - short stories, poems, and more online fiction > Reading Corner > Poetic Cafe [Advanced Verse] > Depression & Despair

ForwardPress

Notices

Reply
 
LinkBack (1) Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 20-06-2007, 06:50 AM
dorian hanes's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,770
dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!
Points: 19,107.02
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 19,107.02
$9.95

Synopsis: The amount of Apricot Brandy.

Mother pays $9.95 avoiding every day worries, stressors,

Mother pays $9.95 easing her daily muscle, joint pain,

Mother pays $9.95 forgetting the death of her parents,

Mother pays $9.95 continuing distance with her older brother,

Mother pays $9.95 reinforcing her constant isolation,

Mother pays $9.95 forgetting current unemployment status,

Mother paid $9.95 succumbing to the insistent supervisor,

Mother paid $9.95 dealing with her youngest daughter's impulsiveness,

Mother paid $9.95 coping with eldest daughter's wedding nuptials,

Mother paid $9.95 for her final fifth size Apricot Brandy bottle,

Dying alone, her daughters cared not to see her die.

© Rena Hands June 2007

Last edited by dorian hanes; 30-10-2009 at 01:28 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 24-06-2007, 01:59 AM
Reader
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 12
blackartifice is a newbie at this point
Points: 528.00
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 528.00
Re: $9.95

Quite a different perspective you have there. To use the motif of the 9.95 apricot brandy to bring out the pressure and pain of a mother. Good one.
Reply With Quote
Old 24-06-2007, 05:44 AM
Lubesh's Avatar
Big Boss
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne UK
Posts: 7,650
Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!
Points: 40,427,087.47
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 40,427,087.47
Meh, for shits and giggles. - Vail Virtual for now. But you know where my heart is. Keep the kettle warm. - Bluejay I'll always give you donuts. Or dognuts. Or e-whatevers. Though the non-e ones are better. - Bluejay Because one can always use a pack of these.  Miss you! - Venomous Vixen To keep the rain and thunder and unwanted showers away. (And off that d**n box., too lol) - Bluejay 
Send a message via AIM to Lubesh Send a message via Yahoo to Lubesh
Re: $9.95

Quite distrubing and synical not to mention an unorthadox but refreshing way of expression good one!
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...

250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!

Comp/Challenges

FFFC, CFPC, 1000-Word Challenge, Limerick,ToTM, EMWE, GQC

Disclaimer: All errors are intentional, and if not, add them to your signature.
(c) Inya Face disclaimer company
Reply With Quote
Old 26-06-2007, 02:11 PM
Belle86's Avatar
Regular Reader
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 28
Belle86 is a newbie at this point
Points: 1,473.00
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 1,473.00
Re: $9.95

Very sad... very moving
__________________

Don't forget to read my story Akai Kissu and comment XD!!One And Only Ninja Pirate Vampire
Reply With Quote
Old 26-06-2007, 09:37 PM
Working Class Hero
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 75
a&Ω is becoming a regular very soona&Ω is becoming a regular very soon
Points: 3,193.00
Bank: 482.65
Total Points: 3,675.65
Re: $9.95

Where did she get her liquor? That is a pretty good deal. I am currently paying something like $12.95 for a fifth.

Anyway, let me say that the poem seemed like it came from the heart and that really is all that matters in poetry. It didn't follow any preset path it just seemed like you were expressing the grief and didn't care about anything else. So... good. That is good.
Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2007, 02:07 PM
Vail's Avatar
SM's Disappearing Act
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Denver
Posts: 679
Vail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary memberVail is an Honorary member
Points: 91,092.23
Bank: 111,817.16
Total Points: 202,909.39
How was/is Reno? - Venomous Vixen You gave me a chuckle lol - Lubesh Why the hell not? :D - Syrah Latte is for pussies. This is espresso, straight up. - Phonoho After 34 views and no comments, I was beginning to think I'd pissed off the coal lobby! - jerH 
Send a message via MSN to Vail Send a message via Yahoo to Vail
Re: $9.95

Well, I really enjoyed this poem. It reminded me a lot of an old Rolling Stones song, "Mother's little helper" The only thing I didn't like, and I'm not saying it's horrible, was the last line, your ender. It just didn't seem to pack enough punch, you've got this great, depressing tirade of 9.95 going through your whole poem, and then.. I don't know, it just seemed to deflate the poem. I would consider revising, but if you don't, it's all the same. Thank you very much for sharing, this is an excellent piece of writing, my opinion of the ending doesn't change that.
__________________
I'm abrasive, direct, and generally as helpful as I know how to be. If I cause you some offense, please let me know, and then do your best to get over it. Thanks.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2007, 08:00 PM
Wordsmyth's Avatar
Shh..I've got a hangover!
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Garland, Texas (Dallas)
Posts: 1,610
Wordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary member
Points: 78,241.10
Bank: 468,440.35
Total Points: 546,681.45
You are a treasure, and you make my smile sparkle :) - Venomous Vixen You are forgiven.  I could never stay mad at you long, especially if you keep nibbling on my ear like that... - Venomous Vixen It's my Friday, 4 day weekend.  Can you keep up with me?  ;) - Venomous Vixen Mike- saw you were on. Next time drop a line! :D - Syrah Where oh where have you gotten off to?  I miss you so. - Venomous Vixen 
Send a message via MSN to Wordsmyth Send a message via Yahoo to Wordsmyth
Re: $9.95

Very moving poem here. It's amazing sometimes how writing these helps with the way we feel about things. While it never takes the feelings away, just putting it out there takes away a little of the sting.
__________________
POINTS. FOR ENTRIES
250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE
1000 - TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN CONTEST POLL
Reply With Quote
Old 21-07-2007, 07:27 AM
NLuv's Avatar
Valued Reader
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: houston
Posts: 135
NLuv is a regular around hereNLuv is a regular around hereNLuv is a regular around here
Points: 2,130.00
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 2,130.00
Re: $9.95

this sounds so much like my mother, its depressing
good job
__________________
loud music covers up the loud screams
pain covers up painful memories
Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 04:07 AM
Persephone's Avatar
Lady In-Waiting
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 982
Persephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary memberPersephone is an Honorary member
Points: 203,895.40
Bank: 66,925.64
Total Points: 270,821.04
Congrats on the '55' win, Em! Nice going! Well deserved... - Vorcla For doing an excellent job under less than ideal circumstances... - Dylan Vorcla Thanks for the reviews beb! Yes its a lipstick, finally I can give this 2 someone who will appreciate it! Yay! - Dark-huntress Thanks, Persephone! - Kalinda Hey, Em - how the heck are you? - Vorcla 
Re: $9.95

I was wondering how the $9.95 was coming in. It was sad
Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 09:05 AM
dorian hanes's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,770
dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!
Points: 19,107.02
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 19,107.02
Thumbs up Re: $9.95

Persephone, I would like to ‘TY’ for taking the time not only to reading my post, but too in giving your thought(s) about it. And yes, my intention was to make this submission a very emotional (sad) piece. I am also extremely jovial that my emotional goal was achieved.
__________________
If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://www.storiesmania.net/community/reading-corner/poetic-cafe-advanced-verse/depression-despair/9542-9-95-a.html
Posted By For Type Date
StoriesMania - short stories, poems, essays, scripts and online fiction This thread Refback 01-07-2009 05:37 AM


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT +9. The time now is 09:40 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
A vBSkinworks Design
Copyright © 1999 - 2009, StoriesMania.Net