This demon-spun world of ours
hangs fires of infirmity on my brow;
pales the intellect into sheer blindness
and devolves into a whirled mire of submission.
No thought, no will, no care, no hope
only sinister lassitude to lull the unsuspecting
and drowse what small volition yet exists...
No more youthful carefree days of exaltation:
mine subsistence in memory - not even that remains
for no longer can I wake and fall from bed
without a distinct object red
and violent as all hell - blazing vile...
No more white sensuous Christmases
or the pure snow of my inner child
and the eager fastness of my warm and ever-present heart.
I love the evil feeling throughout this with the uses of the words sinister, submissive, demon-spun and wickedly. This might make you laugh but for some reason Mr. Burns from the Simpsons popped in my head. Must be some childhood association there LOL.
I think you should leave the word as demon-spun though, or I fear people will become to stuck on that to truly absorb the rest of the poem. Nice work. Very creative mind
Oh yes, thses lines caught me up a bit, not sure what you are trying to say here. At first I thought it was due to a typo but now I fear I am just not understanding
"No more youthful carefree days of exaltation:
mine subsistence in memory - not even that remains"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Yes, the tone is, well, evil I suppose. All about lost innocence and the like - something perhaps a tad too personal for me to show everyone, but oh well.
As for the part you didn't get:
"No more youthful carefree days of exaltation:
mine subsistence in memory - not even that remains"
...is basically about how my innocent world came crashing down and how I cannot even remember that world - so there is no consolation...
Nicely done, and well phrased throughout. I love extravagance and the flaunting of intelligence. It's so nice to see that expressed in others' work.. very liberating. I'm not sure this is quite depression or despair, and see it definitely falling into the dark category, but these days the lines between the two blur so readily, I don't blame you for posting it here.
And as for the innocence part, I swear it is only there to be destroyed by the truth and eventuality in this frustrating world we slog through. I think you captured that sentiment very well, good write, hope it gets more reviews... don't be surprised if it doesn't though, people are scared of big words and having to think. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for your reply, Vail, though I must disagree with you that my poem is not about despair. I think it expressly is, as shown in the title. Thanks, nonetheless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vail
And as for the innocence part, I swear it is only there to be destroyed by the truth and eventuality in this frustrating world we slog through. I think you captured that sentiment very well, good write, hope it gets more reviews... don't be surprised if it doesn't though, people are scared of big words and having to think. Thanks for sharing.
I don't pretend to write for the masses... heh.
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