[Vince]

I have wandered for millenia,
across the hellish plains.
Walked the mountains of sorrow,
the oceans of tormenting pain.
Searching for redemption,
pleading for death; free me!
Free me, from my invisible chains.
Oh Lord, where art Thee?

I have grown from the ground,
made of soil and dust.
You gave me life, take it back!
An eternity of isolation,
cursed and left for undead.
Memories of happiness, long erased.
Feelings of hate within me.
Brother! I'm sorry, father!

Hear my plead, strike me with your wrath.
The long journey from death to life
is endless, nameless.
Walk me to my end, let me sleep
at last, and cast your shadow upon mine.
The final travel is that of remorse;
blood turns to wine, flesh turns to bread,
alas mine is unholy.
I am the world's first unwanted child,
I am the first son and the first assasin,
I am Cain...

[Venomous Vixen]

Searching for redemption,
pleading for death; free me!
Free me, from my invisible chains.
Oh Lord, where are Thou?

Seems it may really help the flow and the sound aloud to change "Where are thou?" to Where art thee?

The desperation in this was spot on, the pleas for redemption and salvation, incredibly portrayed. Something about the "My name is Cain" seemed off or maybe rushed at the end. Maybe just I am Cain... I don't know but I think you should rework that a bit. Other than those few minor things, this was great and a new style out of you.

[Ryankia]

Bri took the words right out of my mouth >.>

Such a strong piece, with the infallible feeling of desperation. Well done!