[PICK] Sparrow

[Nupur]

So, sparrow, here we are again
and will you fly or sing for me?
The sun is almost hidden; set
beneath the rain imploded clouds
reflecting, shining, from your eyes.

The clouds are melting in the sky.
There’s chance that you could sing away the rain
and part the skyline from the weather’s hand,
but could you fly outside its pearly reach
and sing your song another day?

The choices always crumble slowly, for
your life has never been an answered question,
or cherry-picked adventure led
one foot embraced around the power lines
that sway within the yellow, salty day.

Yet, sparrow, time has played your puppet-
burning lanterns stranded on the porch;
refilled by dusk before the evening
breaks its seal and sentiments are gathered
from the pieces splayed across the night.

And still you’re resting on the hedges where you’ve
told your tales of flights among the water-
falls which leave you hanging by your claws,
and of how you weren’t surprised by talk
that rain must fall before it rises.

Then comes that instant; falling suns
are violet-shifted through the woven wood
and time hollows (the lanterns fading now)
so much that you must choose, my little bird,
your wings or song to guide you through the dark.

[Vorcla]

Nice - very spring-like (I'm DYING for some spring weather right now!) and yet there's a deeper meaning at work here too. Pretty imagery, sophisticated language and word choices for someone who CLAIMS to have limited experience with poetry! Good job, hun.

[Nupur]

Thank you.

[Venomous Vixen]

I thought you had lost me a bit in the middle there but by the end I was right on course again. Beautiful, Nupur, with some mind blowing images in there. I could not help but think of the parting of the Red Sea when you mentioned the parting of the clouds. Perhaps not the intent but it added to the overall images for me. I am also so glad to see you posting more and more of your work up, you have an incredible gift. A true poet, very well done!

[Nupur]

Thank you!

[Storiesmaniac]

Nupur i am very impressed with this, i dont usually say much in comments, but i dont usually comment unless im asked to or i really like it or hate it. This was a great poem, visually the images we out of this world. Im glad i stumbled in for this read. Congrats

[Nupur]

Thank you!

[Hirak]

Ok this is your first poem that I'm reading, and I am impressed, yes.

I'd like to make a point though, that what I loved the most was the use of the word fall in the penultimate stanza, maybe unintentional, but beautifully portrayed two different meanings in two instances. That was a thrill.

I didn't like "reflecting, shining, from your eyes." Why? Because Reflecting and shining both mean the same thing. If you're trying to tell a tale as beautifully as you are, then isn't it better to adorn it with subtle literary adjuvants?

For eg, if you just say shining, then it means reflecting, and this in itself is another thrill to read and realize.

Anyway its a beautiful poem which has blended into the picture of the sparrow and the perspective.

Terrific, actually!!

Hirak.

[Nupur]

Thank you very much! Means a lot coming from someone who's work I really admire.

I know what you mean about the shining thing. I'll try to think of something else.

Thank a ton for that wonderful comment.

[dorian hanes]

Fascinating imagery, sentiments illustrated…

What about…
So, Sparrow(I think Sparrow should be capitalized)

So, Sparrow, we are here again
will you fly? Remain and sing for me?

And then later in remaining of your write.

Has the ‘rain clouds’ ceased implosion? If so then ‘imploded,’ but if they continue then…

beneath the rain imploding clouds (I think).

Again, a very fascinating poem filled with so much verbal and emotional interpretation/depiction.

My rating 5/5!

[Nupur]

Thanks Rena! You're a kickass reviewer! I meant 'rain imploded' as an adjective. Perhaps I should have put a hyphen to make that clear. Thanks a ton!

[Gurdit]

I'm sorry darling, I have absolutely no clue what this is about. Everyone else says it's wonderful, so it must be.

I can tell you that the way you've written it is beautiful, yes. There might also be a couple of other things about this which we'll discuss over IM once your internet starts working again. Other than that, there's nothing more I can say, honestly.

EDIT:
Thanks for explaining it.
I can appreciate it much more now.

[Tay M.]

Ok, I will say just a few things about this one.

First, you will have to explain what it is about to me, because I didn't quite understand it XD.

Second, the writing was very good, flowed nicely and some of the words you used were very well chosen I must say.

(sorry I didn't make a long review, I've been writing reviews a lot lately these past days and I'm starting to sound repetitive =P. So for you I'll make it short and simple)

[Nupur]

Thanks very much Tay and Gurdit. I really appreciate that fact that you people commented at all. Sorry, because of my limited time I won't be able to post everything here. I'm so sorry about this. It was inspired by Doppler's Effect. LOL.

[katofmystery]

I also loved your imagery. . . Good write!!

[Nupur]

Thanks very much! @Tay, will tell you everything over IM.