MemberPanel

ourSponsors

Google
   


Notices


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2008, 07:00 AM
Reader
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 19
Total Points: 319.00
veneficuslacuna is becoming a regular very soonveneficuslacuna is becoming a regular very soon
Thru Haze

Thru haze, they march with eyes near tears from smoke,
An accidental drop of guilty woe
Thru daze, they hardly see the souls they broke.

To smell the guns and shells the sun awoke.
To shine its light thru smoke and gray to go
Thru haze. They march with eyes near tears from smoke.

Too blind by lies and fabricated cloaks,
With ears congested by the tales of foes,
Thru daze, they hardly see the souls they broke.

Pain dulled by views of murdered folk,
Rehearse the scenes of death by rows,
Yet now, they march with eyes near tears from smoke?

And now, again, they start a war, a joke.
And sit and watch their glass of wine go low.
Thru daze, they hardly see the souls they broke.

The shirts of faceless foes; in blood and mud they soak
Memories in wind, like dust they blow.
Thru haze they march on, eyes near tears from smoke,
Thru daze, they hardly see the souls they broke.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 13-06-2008, 09:57 PM
Phonoho's Avatar
In the Groove
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: White Oak Texas
Posts: 2,093
Total Points: 182,587.97
Phonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary member
Send a message via AIM to Phonoho Send a message via MSN to Phonoho Send a message via Yahoo to Phonoho
Re: Thru Haze

The steady marching pace is well pronounced here and calls to mind other, much darker regimes. The lock-step progression of iambs fall like drum beats from another era, driving home a sense of dread over the injustice of an ill conceived war. The repetition is appreciated but, perhaps, slightly exaggerated as a refrain.
__________________
“It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn”
Victor Frankenstein
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 14-06-2008, 09:49 PM
RENA HANDS's Avatar
SM 's Roving Reviewer - Want a review then PM me.
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,183
Total Points: 14,109.92
RENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary member
Re: Thru Haze

I will not comment nor question the form of this poem. I will however state the imagery and emotions here depicted are Incredible! The eeriness and sadness combination just exquisite (though I’m certain not appropriate here) I have no other words. I rate 4/5!
__________________
Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?


Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT +9. The time now is 03:53 PM. vBulletin Skin by ForumMonkeys. Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
Advertisement System V2.1 By   Branden
Copyright © 1999 - 2008, StoriesMania.Net


Love Systems | The Attraction Forums | Savoy