[Venomous Vixen]

The clothes dance before me
twirling and spinning about
flashing their most vibrant colors
between the mundane of black and white

Hissing and slapping for freedom
they bake under the sweltering heat
and with an extra little flop
try to entice me to set them free
spread their wings, their colors
take flight, dance in wild abandon

But as they curtsy before me
spinning and twirling their limbs
I selfishly keep their vibrance trapped
between the mundane of black and white

Between the mundane colors of my life

.

[Vorcla]

Wow. Multileveled layers of meaning. Imagery, as always, top notch. Colors and sounds and action - "hissing and slapping," "twirling and spinning." "curtsy before me." Fresh word choices that snap out of the background and demand to be noticed. You make it look so easy. It's depressing! Gret job, hun.

[Lubesh]

Good title another could be 'mirage' but well pegged lol sad one and as a fight ensues i got.

[Venomous Vixen]

thank you, both!

[Vail]

This doesn't seem like you at all. Just for the record, I'm not a fan.

There are really no technical aspects wrong with this poem, it just feels kind of lifeless to me. It doesn't seem to have any real depth to it. I'm reading it, and reading it, and I'm looking for something anything, and it's just coming out flat. I know really this is a horrible review, because there isn't much reviewing going on and it's mostly negative criticism.. I promise you I keep reading it trying to find something positive to say.

Well.. if this wasn't from you, I may not have reviewed it at all, but it was, so I did. Ummm.. I'mma go look at a poem of yours I like to make up for this. Good effort, thanks for sharing.

[Venomous Vixen]

LOL, your review does not surprise me. I will explain later, remind me... you will have a good laugh. Thanks for reading hun

[Corneac]

That was cool, the whole mundane of colours, and then the whole idea of writing a poem of about something as mundane as laundry. Although this was a good poem, I enjoyed the flow and your decriptions, but I have to agree with Vaill...I think when findhing beauty in the banal you have to make it really beautiful. or it just seems banal. I have seen you pump, effortlessly, exstroadinary into the ordinary withd descriptions and metahpor, but thsi felt...well, a litttle mundane. Perhaps that was your intention? Like, three prongs of mundanity..

A redeeming line...

take flight, dance in wild abandon

I love that phrase..."wild abandon"...well done Bri.

[Venomous Vixen]

haha yup, boredom at the laundry mat, you caught me

[CryCandice]

wow, this is pretty deep.

i like how you use captivity as entertainment, a way to bring color to an otherwise boring life.
nice job. : )

[Rain]

I can't find anything wrong with the poem whatsoever, it had nothing wrong with it and it was very good. I enjoyed the end of the 2nd stanza

"try to entice me to set them free
spread their wings, their colors
take flight, dance in wild abandon"

But I also see what Vail is saying, it did seem a little lifeless for me, that surprised me, just seemed bland at some points for some reason... idk. Good job nontheless

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both

[RENA HANDS]

So this is about examining one’s clothing before doing the laundry…lol

I thought this was about the coloring of clothing as they lay before the sun or perhaps hanging on a clothes line. Well not just their coloring or vibrancy, but what effects/imagery the clothes play with the mind (does this make sense?) I like how my mind plays tricks with me especially in the dark (not necessarily relevant to your poem, but I thought I would mention it).

So I honorably give 5/5!

Oh, at the very bottom, to the left of the page there is a period, was that intentional?

[colinbaker62]

Nice contrast, and the personification of washing was interesting. Colours especially, are often an interesting and effective means of expressing complex ideas and moods.




Colin

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both

[colinbaker62]

I'll never wash my socks in the same manner again....




Colin