[McCoy]

She takes a look at the face in the mirror,
Makes the final touches
As the announcer calls her name.
It may not be the most respectable job,
But, for the length of a tune,
She feels alive again, beautiful and sexy.
She is in control.
The bravest of men grow timid
When they look into her eyes.
Her moves easily hypnotize.

Back home, she´s powerless,
A housewife.
Her life is not terrible,
There´s just something missing,
That little spark,
Some attention perhaps.
Few days a week she stuffs her bag,
“I´m going to the gym with the girls.”

She steps through the curtains,
Greeted by cigarettes and spotlights.
As she curves to the rhythm,
She glances over the crowd tossing
Flattery and dollars.
That missing spark has been found.

[Phonoho]

A little on the colloquial side, but that's not uncommon here.

When they look in her eyes.

You might want to go with into for this line.
I'm not certain how this fits into the socio-political category, but I can see how one might make sacrifices for economic reasons. It seems to me, though, that her motivation for choosing this occupation have less to do with the economy and more to do with vanity.

[RENA HANDS]

Fascinating! This poem asks so many questions…

What is ‘missing’ in her life at home? What is her husband like?

How does a ‘housewife’ know of moves that would for a brief moment entice a crowd of so many?

The attention as brief as it is, it brings such pleasure that she risks her ‘marriage?’

These are only a few questions that I had, but I’m sure every other reader will ask more. Possibly not on paper, but in thought as they read the splendid creation you have posted here.

I will rate 3/5!

What about something like…

A final look in the mirror;
Blush/Rouge on the cheeks,
Cherry/Strawberry on the lips,

Just something more that gives a bit more (for me personally).

[McCoy]

thanks for the comments.

I feel like I should perhaps write another stanza to this, or maybe put back in the details i originally wrote about her husband. I removed them because they didn´t score too high with my poetry class, but I guess I could rework them a bit

[Syrah]

Hmm. This has a well thought out point to the piece. I, however, felt that it was more a piece of prose trying to be a poem, or a poem trying to be prose. The elegance or ugliness that can embody a poem, giving it the grittiness, the inflamed emotion or the plain beauty is somewhat missing. This piece has a lot of potential and would love to see it break out of the mediocrity that it is now and transform into something greater.

A couple suggestions to do this...

1.) Use some metaphors or similes or something other than direct storytelling. A simple use of a metaphor or the like can transform the intelligence of the piece, or make it a little more identifiable to the reader, by making the poem itself a potential metaphor.

2.) If you decide to keep it in a strict storytelling feel (without the poetic garb of metaphors/etc), add something extra in means of rhythm/meter/diction. Take Edgar Alan Poe's The Raven. Definitely a story but undoubtedly a poem in presentation. Its form is very structured with an 8/8 syllable swinging type of line and a definite rhyme scheme. Although rhyme is unnecessary, I feel that in a piece like this... you may definitely benefit from adding in a strict beat. Think of having a drum beat behind it.

3.) Try to push vocabulary a little bit. No, you don't need to break out the thesaurus for every single word in a poem, but using words that aren't so common may help distinguish your piece from a normal story feel to a more poetic type feel. Make the poem ugly, tell the story... don't be afraid to get your hands dirty here.

Now I don't want you to feel like this is utter crap. It isn't. It is a beginning and a decent one at that. My pieces may be more mediocre in the beginning. Editing and taking each word, each meaning, each syllable and overall effect seriously can transform your way of thinking about writing (prose or poetry) as well as your quality. I definitely look forward to reading more of your work.