[Lubesh]

Jaded green clouds with the last of a swell of colour
as it evaporates amid a sigh and splash of water.
Left overs, spills, drying hard now, but how quickly they
have ingrained themselves, eager not be left out
of the canvassed remnants already occupying
an old bed underneath its surface

Clouded azure jades the vague cries of coffeed stains
rekindling an aroma that has been lost for a while in the
hungry knots of bare faced wooden table. It keenly soaks up
and takes in new records of productive but erstwhile
occupations. Like her, it doesn't find them satisfying,
but, nevertheless, adds them to its archives.

[Vorcla]

Ah. Metaphors, personification, incredible descriptors - all come into play here. It floors me how you can take something so mundane as a table and create a masterpiece from it. Great job, Lu.

[Lubesh]

Thank you!

[colinbaker62]

Interesting metaphor with regards to the coffee....The whole point of poetic metaphor is to enable the reader to experience something (very often something quite ordinary) in a fresh way. This certainly happened for me. And, not just 'image' but the sense of smell also "rekindling an aroma." The only slight gripe I have, is to suggest that there are perhaps too many 'subordinate clauses' in the second stanza. If this afore-mentioned stanza were broken down into shorter sentences, for me, I think it would probably read better.







Colin

[Lubesh]

Thank you very much colin and glad you could savour it lol Also helpful was ur rightness. clauses come ramble - techncially i dont know one from the other...but, as Jane Austin wrote,..'Mr Faversham, I am undone,'..ok, that was me lol But, thank you and I have redid...it...Now that was Jane Austin, prob..missed that day at school. lol