[The Ugly Mitten]

The white monster skulks towards the designated stop. A pillar of

black smoke is emitted

in a malevolent snort. Its white jaws painfully spread reflective lips

agape on rusted

hinges. A cruel smile reveals a set of worn blue teeth hemmed with a lovely

serrated frill. The

tongue uncurls itself and rests at the foot of my wheel. I ease up on the

plank to my doom. I get stuck with my wheels placed in an awkward angle

between the edges. I back up and stab for another angle. The same road

block. I feel eyes. Eyes

staring at me. Staring at the lame man. Journalist snapping away at

Africa's beautiful sahara,

unprepared for the land mine? Just another soldier fighting against the

Nams in the 60's?

Venturing the towering peaks of the Himalayas unequipped? Blood infection?

something got

this man short of two limbs. Straining with my two, available limbs,

feeling my only available

extremities enclose their grasp around the rubber rings I push forward. The

metal caps of the

wheels graze against the plank, sending a screeching sound throughout the

stuffed bus, there is

wincing, a lone baby wails, a wave of some sort of misplaced sense of pity

splashes me in the

face. I feel a force behind me, and my body as well as my cradle are

adjusted and thrust into the

mouth of the beast. A sigh sweeps through the crowd, the ramp slowly folds

shut, people can

finally go now. The engine gurgles and the Jackson Park Express

pursues its journey to

79th and South Shore.

[Vorcla]

Are you sure? You only show 5 posts. What do you do when you post, so we can see if we can help you with that?

[dearest]

You've got 5 and that's what I asked for, so I'll post this up for you, but do let me know what you do when you post. The site records a history of every post you make, and for some reason they aren't showing up. I'll leave these two comments up until we work this out.

[dearest]

I loved this one, very dark and moody, but it still does a great job of communicating the struggles of a handicapped person in a very unique, powerful way. Very interesting. I really liked the approach you took in the beginning:

The white monster skulks towards the designated stop. A pillar of

black smoke is emitted

in a malevolent snort. Its white jaws painfully spread reflective lips

agape on rusted

hinges.

First of all, great descriptions, very vivid word pictures. But, what I really liked about this was the very short, almost stabby sentences. That structure choice really reinforces the sharp dangerousness of the beast/bus. Again, love the originality of the form and the description. Very fresh, something I hadn't seen before. Nice work. ^_^

[Nupur]

I love how you complemented your words with the structure. The 'short, stabby' sentences, as Tricia put so eloquently, are wonderful and greatly enhance the mood of the poem. The stream of consciousness feel greatly appealed to me. Wonderful word choices and vivid images. This is something new... I'd love to read more from you.

[RENA HANDS]

I’m not certain if this is a poem or a SOC, regardless...this write is FANTASTIC!

The imagery, Incredible!

The emotions evoked, expressed...Astonishing!

The intentional or unintentional hold of suspension/suspense, Amazing!

I ecstatically rate, 5/5!