[Maud]

It’s flowing through all my veins,
viscous and swollen, I’m abreacting
and drowning – dying, but reborn…
my life, a vase, filled with regret.

Lament, my friend, at all that’s dead.
Cry, go ahead, at what we could have
had. Fine, be sad, don’t get mad,
but it could’ve been so much more.

A shrub, shaking wickedly, a summer
storm. Lighting, thunder, rain. I try
for shelter, but it's never good enough,
we should have planted a tree instead.

-WPC

[Maud]

I really gave the 110% not only content on this one (which I usually focus on) but spent most of my time actually on the mechanics of poetry this time. So I am wondering how I did here...

[Lubesh]

I enjoyed that for effort re ur mechanics....served it well the form - less stiff and orthadox.

[Maud]

thanks. It's supposed to just sound like the message outloud. I hope it worked, haha.

[Maud]

only one review...shame

[Vorcla]

Ha! Sorry, Weedhopper; yours was next on my list, but I had one in front that took a little longer than I thought. By the way, I know how you feel. You write your ass off and get a couple of comments from your close friends - if you're lucky. I don't know what's happening around here - but commenting sure isn't it. The same half dozen people comment on my stuff - gets lots of reads, but no replies.

Enough editorializing.

I could say "Wow!" and stop there. But I won't.

Man, the language here is incredible. Fresh choices. "Viscous" - not an everday word. Probably sent more than a couple scrambling for the Webster's. Very conversational, free form, almost stream of consciousness. I like the flow of this; it seems very free, and yet structured at the same time. That probably makes no sense, but that's the impression I'm left with. A well-crafted poem by someone who obviously knows his art. Nicely done; damned fine.

Rick

[Maud]

thanks vorcla, I really do appreciate it