[Corneac]

I bleed on my guitar,
The strings crimson with graft,
Dexterous, they play on,
Panting, we laughed,

The notes quiver in the air,
Climatically it abates,
It teases my urge,
The sound arching with fate,

The rift mingles with sweat
from my broken fingertips,
It beckons eclipse,

Blood red it strums,
Melody beats the moment,
On the edge, hums,

The world threatens
To implode on the last note,

Like a mighty wave,
It engulfs and explodes,

Mighty, unconquered,

An ode

[Phonoho]

Wow, this would have been a good one for the Lyrics section, if you could add a chorus and a bridge. Quite a bit darker than Sir George Harrisons' "While my guitar gently weeps", bordering on metal and grundge.

[Corneac]

Yeah...to bad I know nothing about chorus's and bridge's and whatnot. Something to learn I guess. It is a bit grunge I guess, lol. Thanks Phonoho.

[in_absentia]

As a guitarest myself, I may be a bit biased, but I can certify that this is an awesome poem. It nearly completely describes the feeling of creating that wailing wall of sound and listening to it grow louder till you can't hardly stand it anymore.

In particular, I love the lines: The world threatens/ To implode on the last note. They just describe it so perfectly.

If I had one complaint, It would be that the word "blood" appears twice pretty close together. Perhaps you could change "The rift mingles with sweat/ from my bloodied fingertips," to "Broken fingertips" It isn't quite the word I want, but it's the best I can think of right now. I hope that helped a bit.

But even if you don't decide to change a thing, it'll still be a great poem.

[Corneac]

Thankyou in_absentia, that means a lot coming from you, as a great fan of your work.

I changed it, not sure about broken, but thankyou for pointing that out, better? Haha. I appreciate you comment mate.

[SeaN]

Corneac great pieces man! I'm a 5-string banjo picker myself so I can sort of relate. really cool images you create. I like the switch to 'calloused fingertips' as well. Nicely worded

[Syrah]

haha My dad plays the banjo- part of the things added in his new life. However-- this was an interesting read....... a waterfall of words depicting a singular experience in a very straight forward way. excellente.

[Corneac]

Thanks Sy...the banjo...hmm? Must be a seepo thing.

[Syrah]

What's a seepo?

[Corneac]

American...pfft...thought you knew that by now

[Syrah]

banjos an american thing??? haha. no. a very select few play- thats really not common, at least not where Im at. My dad is just --------weird.

[Corneac]

Haha...nice...

[in_absentia]

I think the change helped... It wasn't nearly as jarring this time around. However, i think some of the continuity of the poem was lost since "calloused" implies they have healed. What do you think of "seeping?"

p.s. it's funny you should say you're a fan of mine, because I'm quite the fan of yours

[Corneac]

Haha...really? Your poetry always makes me want to write, improve my work. Haha. Thanks, that means a lot man. Yes, I think I will change it again. When I have time, Easter organisation is taking a lot out of me...

[Venomous Vixen]

I had the same thought as Phonoho while reading this, "My Guitar Gently Weeps". Again, beautiful work and the structure of this one was very pleasing to my eyes... the way it dwindled down to that last little phrase "an Ode". Really this piece was quite climactic, a build up, an explosion and a release as it fades away. (and now I am stating the obvious but you carried it out so well). Haha, rambling... but I loved this.