[nightcharmer]

I peeked at my consciousness,
And watched it bloom.
Layer by layer,
One after another.

The petals fell,
Like red water dripping.
I could hardly tell,
What's withering within.

Curiosity beckons me,
To try and pry.
I digged into the soil,
Without asking why.

I found the root,
Wanting to set it free.
All my consciousness did,
Was to stare back at me.

[Lubesh]

I digged into the soil,....dug

That was a good use of a metpahor and somefine writing.

All my consciousness did,
Was to stare back at me.

Yep sometimes futile to delve and quit a surreal thought at the end...good.

Oh, what do you mean by Flo-vver?

[angel]

this is an excellent piece charmer. beautiful language n graceful flow good stuff mate

kel

[nightcharmer]

Thanks for the comments. Flo-vver is just a word I made up. It's supposed to be ambiguous in a sense, cos it appears like "Flower", with the two v's making up the "w". And the poem is about being over conscious, if you know what I meant.

[Venomous Vixen]

I enjoyed this piece as well, Lubesh is right on the digged to dug change and the only other I would suggest is breaking out the "what's" in the last line of the second stanza. I noticed some tense changes in here, fell should be fall I believe, because the rest of the piece is written in the present tense. There is some beautiful imagery in here, especially the way the layers of the mind unfold... relatable and beautiful!

[nightcharmer]

Well, actually, I wrote this piece in a state of confusion, hence the mixed up of the tenses. But really, that was just an excuse, isn't it? Haha. Ok but thanks for the comments. And yep, Lubesh was right. What a gross mistake huh! Haha. Glad you enjoyed this somehow amateurish piece though.