[Masa]

Met on the lake, a beautiful siren,
'Twas a place they have shared, long back when,
Time was infinite, and passion was all,
Though love did he, she held him enthralled,
In time a bond grew, no need for such lies,
Though due to new trust, lies their demise!

Bad luck?
Too much.
'Tis true?
As such.

The love of his Summer, his seductress,
Turns out younger than my success,
To be foiled unto which their plot falls dead,
Unfortunate to be in love's stead,
When his sweetheart down by the lake's serene,
Not in his age, but instead fourteen!

Bad luck!
Too true...
Your heart?
It's due...

[Corneac]

Nice Masa. I liked the difference of stanza...great rhythm.

When his sweetheart down by the lake's serene,
Not in his age, but instead fourteen

A reference to you my young friend? lol

Met on the lake, a beautiful, siren

I would suggest removing the comma before siren. But great job, lovely imagery...a lightish take on heartbreak. Great job.

[Masa]

Thanks Corneac! There is only one reference to me in this-

The love of his Summer, his seductress,
Turns out younger than my success,

Success is to succession, thus my birth. His poor ex-girlfriend was younger than me! And the poor bloke's 17.

Sorry about that comma! I had another word in there, but got rid of it and forgot the comma, hahahaha...

thanks for reading man!

[Lubesh]

That read sweetly and i really enjoyed the language/tone. The interjected snippets were a welcome factor too..great stuff young 'un

[Masa]

Thanks Lubesh, always appreciate a comment from your hands!

[Ethan]

why are your peoms always soo goood!
nicely doneee

[loosygoosy007]

This was sweet, Masa. This line here confused me in the first stanza: "A place they have shared, a long back when," mainly the "a". Maybe change it to just "long back when?" Great rhymes in this one, and I loved the imagery. Good job.

[Timmay]

wow. you have rhythm and imagrey. well done

[Masa]

Thanks Everyone.

[Venomous Vixen]

Ahh that was nicely done Masa... O innocent one I loved the shorter stanza's! Great effect there.

[Masa]

Thanks Vixen!

And yes, Masa is oh so very innocent, hahahahahaha!