[Phonoho]

Love, bereft of touch,
out of Aether composed,
survives not those sterile confines,
nor do the dreams from whence it rose

They ne'er will,
as atoms be, meshed,
for the human stain removed from lust
is less improved in rapture
than in dust

[Lubesh]

That was a mesmerising use of aether which for me has always been a great word. Plus worldy componets such as atoms and dust all joined so naturally fitting....very nice phon!

[Phonoho]

The, that, and other components?

[dearest]

Very smooth, easy flow and not a word out of place. Brilliant.

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by Phonoho

The, that, and other components?

i apologise.half asleep and rushed...hope i make more sense either way I loved it.

[Phonoho]

Damn, Lu, that was some shorthand. And thank you, fire.
This is another short yet concentrated piece. Seems I'm becoming ever more sententious in my old age.

[Syrah]

Hmm. I'm am not finding much to critique on this particular piece. Each word, each syllable seems to be so carefully calculated and placed that the gravity of those words hang in your mind like clothes on a hanger. Not a piece of emotion but one that invokes thought. Right now that is my favorite type of poetry= thought provoking vs emotion provoking. I really like the rhyme scheme as well. My only suggestion is...

They ne'er will
as atoms be; meshed,

adding a comma

They ne'er will,
as atoms be; meshed,

That would be something very individual to the poet, but I like how it reads a little more with that comma.

[Eadha Deora]

Seems I'm becoming ever more sententious in my old age.

Possibly, but I think it makes your poetry even better because it speaks straight to the heart and as Wordsworth and Burns seemed to be over fond of saying, "the human condition".

I agree with Lu ... "aether" is one of those words that isn't used enough and just has such an ethereal (ehem, aethereal, might I add?) flow to it ... and you have been sly by bringing in images such as atoms and dust because they are so much less like what we think of as aether.

Actually, the sentiments in this poem are striking. Most people go on about how they are so jaded or so in love. This poem says something that really interests me:

is less improved in rapture
than in dust

That finally punch to me is the real meat of the poem. And dammit, you managed to do it so succinctly and briefly. Well done.

[Phonoho]

Well read, ladies! Thank you.
I was attempting to pose a question in the reader's mind--
How strong can an unconsumated love be, built from insubstantial stuff and kept from harms way, producing not the antibodies needed to render it resilient against life's infectious reality and safe from those external impulses that truly challenge its material? Is it not best left in that sanitized state, untainted by the frank nearness that sin requires?

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by Phonoho

Damn, Lu, that was some shorthand. And thank you, fire.
This is another short yet concentrated piece. Seems I'm becoming ever more sententious in my old age.

Keep being sententious, then - whatever the hell that means! Because if that's what allows you to write masterworks like this, then go for it. Excellent!

I've always prided myself on my vocabulary, but you leave me in the dust, my man!

[Rain]

Originally Posted by Vorcla

I've always prided myself on my vocabulary, but you leave me in the dust, my man!

Me too but it was great, like fire said not a word out of place. Good job Phon

[Phonoho]

Thanks, guys. Aren't words grand?

[Corneac]

Yes they are, but your peotry's grand too. I'm not going to gvo into too much depth, because I really ought to be studying. But I can't leave this uncommented on. Your poetry's like brain food, it beats a chess game or a cup of blueberries, it ameks me think. Gets the neurons a popping and the muse gently shaken awake. I enjoyed it - the flow, the succint writing (as always), but more so, the brain food. Thanks.

[Phonoho]

Brain food and blueberries. What a charmer you are.