[Lubesh]

In a September, crawling, mourning
a summer lost to raven skies and soon frosted morning.
I kick at burnt leaves, falling, roaming.
Like my own life, cold and scorning with each toss
and turn till the awning is broken on choppy seas
calling, churning.

In the dead of a night, hollow, lonely
emptiness steals, the last echoing laughter, and only
after I wrestle with covers, deflated, yawning
Like my own life, no texture, padding with each toss
and turn till the madding, aching day draws my body
to a dead sea.

[Rolling Pichu]

This poem truly left me in awe. I only wish I could express myself like that through poems! And it's about September. I admired the rhythm, and was amazed by such a fitting choice of words; the piece starts chilly, clear; the second (and magnificent) stanza makes it gloomy and melancholic.

In the dead of a night, hollow, lonely
emptiness steals, the last echoing laughter, and only
after I wrestle with covers, deflated, yawning
Like my own life, no texture, padding with each toss
and turn till the madding, aching day draws my body
to a dead sea.

I absolutely admire the stanza. The intro to is dark, and to me, portrays a character marooned within the night of thoughts and combat to grief. The last verses are magnificent.

[Lubesh]

Gosh. Thanks for that from one who admires and is awaiting more of your work! Thank you.

[colinbaker62]

Wonderful metaphor and imagery for sure. It is interesting is it not how autumn and winter especially, have become hopelessly associated with sadness, depression and other such emotive and psychological states? Indeed, some studies suggest that most suicides occur around the autumn / winter time. And yet there is undoubtedly 'something' quite special, even magical about these two afore-mentioned seasons.

[Lubesh]

Yes colin, magical but yet these people and illnesses such as SAd etc are rife. Never thought of that whilst writitng and am so pleased u looked in!

A belated happy new year to u and yours also.

[Nupur]

The rythm in the entire piece was breathtaking. I love your imagery. Every word here was so apt. Everything fit in perfectly around the theme of 'September'. Really good work.

[Lubesh]

Thanks Nupur, and for taking the time.

[Lubesh]

Better than nothing..so all's good sometimes...lol thanks v much James

[Vorcla]

Nice metaphors, Lu, as someone else pointed out. Word usage is phenomenal; very kinetic. Great job. Why so sad so often, though? I know it's hard to write a song when you're happy; maybe it's that way with poetry, too?

[Lubesh]

Thanks Rick. I just write no major plan...but is never a reflection of me or views about the topic...well one or two lately...thats hardwork. lol fcition meanwhile is ok,whicheer way it comes/turns out.