[Lubesh]

One day I know I will be
Left alone, pale, emptied needs
One day and fast, I will see
Bluer skies and holidays…

Till then bide me, take your time
Let your world engulf
me
and mine

Take the fake me
Let me see
What it is you feel for me
Wind it, find it
You will see
Is it me
Or you
That’s
Free?

Hold it, mould it
Constantly
Make your world soar
High with me
Beat me, urge me
set me free
Will my life be here
With me?

One day I’ll flyaway
Leave my days to yesterday
One day I’ll find a way
Live my life, be here
For me

No more I fight it
Day to day
Let these things
These haunting sways
Keep them, weep, then
Travel on
Take your heart
To
Where
you
belong

Fly then fly
and be free to see
Let the things not haunting, be
Go and slow lest you fall down
I’ll be there to catch that frown
Sail then wail
But you are free
Save your tear at least
for me


One day, some day
when I am alone but me
Will this be a memory?
Catch me when the truce is down
Will you catch in time
For me?
Only then and time will tell
I long to cry and weep so well
Buy me, try it make them see
When you will be here
With me

Always, am here
Dream of fear and yesteryear
Only now I see through empty haze
Only now I speak in days
One day soon, I will survive
Leave alone my nether times
Only then will I live for me
Live at peace in other ways
I ask now
and am proud
Do not be my morning cloud
High up there and out of reach
I can’t convince you nor can I teach
Come down, come down
Help me feel
When will this
Will
This life
be
real?

[Syrah]

Ooo. I like this one Lulu. Especially the ending. I would go more into it but I'm rather tired now. One thing though:

One day I know I will be
Leave alone pale emptied needs

I may be wrong, but it seems to read better and make more sense to me as:

One day I know I will be
left alone, pale emptied needs

But like I said. I'm bloody a** tired and may adendum this statement at another date/time. But def a good piece. I might give a more indepth critique when time and mind serves me better- but no promises.

[Lubesh]

cool...thanks and will use 'Left' quirky.yes ur tired lol tc

[Vorcla]

Nice. Kinda sad, but nice. Again, use of language, images - top notch.

[Nupur]

Oh wow! You just churn 'em up, don't you?

Amazing flow. The rhythm and rhyme were spot on. Some of the lines made me stop and read them again, and then think about how beautiful they actually are.

An example:

Save your tear at least
for me

It's absolutely fantastic!

[Lubesh]

Thank you both very very much.

[Maylar]

I will try to be short...I really love it
This poem is deep, it has so much emotion in it, and it can be reread...every time I do it, I find other part to admire. And for me, it shines, with some soft light, sad-golden color...wonderful.

[Lubesh]

Beautifully put and always welcome..and wb maylar!

[Corneac]

Awesome anita! Especiallty the repitition in the last stnza...hauntingly effective. I do wonder if sometimes you are a bit of a slave to rhyme:

Do not be my morning cloud

Like there. I think it sometimes take away from your poetry, and elaves you with not-so-fantastic imagery. But overall, I loevd it, the length...was a breeze to read. Felt like I was flying.

[Lubesh]

Thanks ony now and again i turn to rhyme these days...but used this deliberatley with this. Thansk corn.

[Corneac]

Ahhh see, I wasn;t being perceptive as I should I thought perhaps you were doing it to relfect the content. But I was a bit rushed in my analysis.

My apolgies. I enjoyed it though...wish I could fly

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by Avalanche

Ahhh see, I wasn;t being perceptive as I should I thought perhaps you were doing it to relfect the content. But I was a bit rushed in my analysis.

My apolgies. I enjoyed it though...wish I could fly

me too! but np, i avoid rhymes these days not sure why lol glad ur back taking a peeklol