[Maylar]

I have lost you, you disappeared,
dissolved in the mist of memories.
I held you, but you loosed my grip
and I let you slip, away in the dark.

Carnations, they fell on the grave,
half-frozen and broken, dying along...
So sad, that I'm glad, they are picked by the wind,
in whirls and twirls, in dance of the death.

But the wind is so cold...so cold and so strange.
It scares me and buries me, together with you.
In a silent desire, in ashes of fire,
scattered by the wind, I'm gone, I'm gone too.

The wind and the bitter coldness of a stone,
that's what make me moan...and cry, hewed inside.
On a silent grave, on last stand of hope,
bruised, torned and clawed, I can barely cope...

I am raped! By a cruelty and the sordid cold.
and this is my soul, tossed and revealed, in the shame!
Shivering, in the cloud of a frozen dust,
clutching the bars of cage, without a way out.

That is my soul, tamed, parted in solitude!
That is my heart, broken, with shreds on the ground.
And even that I'm dead, wind brings me a sound,
reminder on my sorrow, it still wake my mind.

I have lost you...lost you...And even carnations are gone.
Wind played them away, into oblivion.
Standing under the lead sky, silent and so alone,
crying, I still sense their essence, merging into cold.

[Lubesh]

Hautning and exqusite and the theme running through - the animation and use of the wind over the soemtimes intense and chilling emotions was superb.

[Corneac]

This was amazing. And really deserved to be in the POTM, wish I had stumbled upon it earlier. It really is equisite...your word choice, the images, the carnations the coldness. I felt the hollow draight wash over my bones, and the icy flowers chill my fingertips...it was haunting. As Lu said, I loevd your decriptions...and the first poem that I've seent that ellipses points so effectively...the broken narrative of heartbreak. I loved it, thanks so much for writing it. Fantastic job.

[Maylar]

Thank you very, very much, both, for everything you said...this poem came right from my heart. Knowing someone appreciate it, really means a lot to me

[dearest]

I have to echo Chris...I wish I had seen this earlier. The feeling of coldness running through the whole poem is so tangible, the ellipses (I agree) are perfect, and the imagery is absolutely exquisite. Stunning.

[Gurdit]

Wow, woman, you're good.

I should say it right away, I guess, that I'm not much into poetry. It frustrates me easily when someone writes a very cryptic poem, or one written in a very big-word kinda style. But your poems immediately wins points because it flows really well, it's simple and yet it comes through as being done really, really well.

I don't really review poetry too well, because I don't really know what makes a poem good, but here's my shot at it anyway.

I held you, but you loosed my grip

In this one line, I really like how you've taken poetic license with the word "loosed", as opposed to "loosened".

The part about the carnations that comes next is ... well, really good (this is why it's harder to review poetry, I think, since you feel it much more than you think it). The 'transition' from the carnations to the fleeting feeling of gladness at how the wind picks them up and blows them away, to the continuing thought that even the wind bears a bitter coldness, it's wonderfully put across.

See, that part seemed to flow just like the wind, slowly and drifting in silently, yet you feel it, and then WHAM! you hit us with the next verse, stepping up the intensity.

The structure from here on works really well, with the short phrases, the exclamation marks, the imagery. It's all consistent, which I think is not always easy to do in a poem. However, I think you should perhaps just go through this one more time to fix up some writing errors? I think there was a period where there might have been a comma instead (or perhaps nothing at all). And then some other tiny glitches like "it still wake my mind."

But overall, I really like it, and that's not very common for poems.

[Vorcla]

Wow.

I'm pretty much speechless. Incredible...

[Maylar]

Gurdit, thank you for the detailed comment and everything you said...I'll deal with those minor glitches as soon I find the time, and I'm glad you like the rest
Vorcla, leaving you speachless, made me speachless ...what else to say but thank you

[Rain]

What can I say bad about it... NOTHING. Haunting, it sucked me in from the start and was amazingly powerful. With some exclamation marks, emotion oozed from it, anger, of course sorrow, and like you said, I could easily tell this came straight from the heart. Amazing poem. Great.