[PaulJJ]

When the drum beats,
Grace drums the truth.
Tears fall, and the drum, oh, the drum beats no more.
Taken before your time, our love was so strong.
Death has his hold, and uses you like his play doll.

When the wind blows,
I can hear your whispers sitting in my ear.
The breeze flows like your voice.
I can’t stand this anymore; I want you, and I need you.
You’re gone, never to come back; Death is my only friend.

When the harp sings,
Mum, don’t cry. Feel the sun’s warmth; remember me.
I will always be with you, if only in soul.
You know where to find me.
On the edge of Dublin’s core; it’s a place seen only by you, mother.

When the angel speaks,
Pretend you are listening, but don’t accept as true.
Lover wait. Please! I will see you once more.
I’m coming back to you now.
Soulless wait at heavens gate.

When the joker juggles,
Blood falls, dripping into a pool of the hope to be with you.
Cuts of love upon myself, I left a note, to leave my mother guiltless.
The all knowing Father, He knew my pain, He let me look for you.
My Love, you waited. Oh, My Love, just to see you again.

When the magic faded,
I could not live without you.
Don’t cry. Is there something I missed?
But what happened next why I not predicted; death I brought upon myself.
Tears flowed from our Father’s eyes, as He opened the book of our sentence.

When the demons chuckle,
Hell melts me, and I still see your eyes. I run but it’s useless.
I can’t sleep any more, I turn inside out.
But My Love, I am happy in hell, this horrible eternal pain.
It’s worth it all, My Love, just to have seen you again.

[Rakkasan]

You have written an exceptional verse that touches on an aspect of suicide very few dare to address. I am taken back by the double standard used in your pro's thinking; for him, Grace is gone, yet if he goes, he tells his mum that he'll always be there. I guess in his distress, what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander. (Sorry, Phonoho! )

Originally Posted by PaulJJ

I can’t stand this anymore; I want you, and I need you.
You’re gone, never to come back; Death is my only friend.

When the harp sings,
Mum, don’t cry. Feel the sun’s warmth; remember me.
I will always be with you, if only in soul.

You give us a delightful twist at the end as well. Simply marvelous. I, however, wouldn't feel quite as he did about trading off eternal bliss for one more look. Forget it; I'll go without.

Originally Posted by PaulJJ

But My Love, I am happy in hell, this horrible eternal pain.
It’s worth it all, My Love, just to have seen you again.

Keep bringing us these good reads, PaulJJ.

[PaulJJ]

Hey Thanks Rakkasan.

What I was trying to say was that in his sorrow and his hurt he couldn’t go on anyway without seeing her again; that a life without her wouldn’t have been a life at all. In a way he was hoping that maybe they would be forever together and it would be ok, only to realize what he had done had again ripped them apart

I think back now I and could have gone many other ways with this work, but I think I like it how it is.

Cheers.

[Rakkasan]

Originally Posted by PaulJJ

I think back now I and could have gone many other ways with this work, but I think I like it how it is.

So do I. I wouldn't change it if it were mine. Like I've said, this covers a different perspective few touch. Great job.

[Peppy]

Wow, this is dark and brooding. Suicide and a lost love. It's not as simple as how I made it, but, man, you sure came through to the knuckle. Pretty good job on flashing between moments in the poem, I thought it was done exceptionally. I thought it would be difficult to understand by its length, but it wasn't... to me.

Good, good, good.

[Blink]

Hey Paul, I have to agree with what Peppy said, and for me it was inspiring to be honest, made me want to write more even though I just did a little. Very poetic, throughout, you didn't hide behind simplicity, you went for it all, the stanzas were choppy which I liked, it wasn't about form, or syllable count, it was about what was being said and written that made it important, meaningful, and I thought the whole thing was exceptional.

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by PaulJJ

But My Love, I am happy in hell, this horrible eternal pain.
It’s worth it all, My Love, just to have seen you again.

Hmmmm. He's gonna be dead a long time. Let's see if he still feels that way in a few thousand years.

Pretty dark; made me shiver, but nicely executed. This flows nicely, and you have a way with imagery that suits your style.

Nice job.

Rick

[PaulJJ]

Thank you Peppy.

Thanks Blink, yeah is a bit choppy. I just had an idea of what I wanted to write and I didn’t want to write worrying about making it perfect, if you know what I mean. Thanks again.

Thanks Rick, ha ha yeah at first I wasn’t sure about the ending, I wouldn’t think it worth it either, but this was someone he loved more than his own life, and in his sorrow and confusion did what he thought would get him back to her.

I appreciate the comments.

[Rain]

That was deep man I love when you write it's packed with passionate feelings, it's fantastic.

I can’t stand this anymore; I want you, and I need you.

That line may be simple, but it packs a punch, and I liked it because it seemed to stand out, because of its simplicity, I liked that about this poem simple in parts and complex in others.

When the angel speaks,
Pretend you are listening, but don’t accept as true.

Another line, packs a passionate punch, like a kick in the face, but this was different then your other one, this was a complex line, that had the same effect, I really was amazed at the diversity between complex passion and simple passion.

When the demons chuckle,
Hell melts me, and I still see your eyes. I run but it’s useless.
I can’t sleep any more, I turn inside out.
But My Love, I am happy in hell, this horrible eternal pain.
It’s worth it all, My Love, just to have seen you again.

From angels to demons, that was brilliant. This whole last stanza was brilliant, and a great way to end the poem, Paul. Very nice poem, my man.