[Hurricane]

I love you

and yet I hate you

I can’t wait to see you

but I dread you all the same

you make me feel

alive and safe

but yet you hurt me


You stab my heart

and make me scream

then you turn around

and stitch me up and say

you love me


I should hate you

and depise you

but I can't

Because the truth is

I love you

and nothing you do

could ever change that

[Venomous Vixen]

Hi and welcome I enjoyed the rawness of this, and although simple in nature, it speaks volumes in the way of emotion.

Two things, one, you may consider adding some punctuation in here. Some people don't use it in poetry but I find it helps guide the reader through your intended flow. As is, I brushed through this a bit more like a piece of prose than poetry. Second, you may consider solidifying your stanzas. The spacing between each line, again, threw my reading off a bit.

But besides layout I thoroughly enjoyed this. You had a nice set of internal rhymes and it all sort of just rolled off of the tongue and played off of itself. Very nice treat!

[Vorcla]

Hey, Katrina -

This is truly fine, especially if this is one of your first efforts. I really enjoy this; the contradictions, the back-and-forth. Really nicely done. And the finish:

I love you

and nothing you do

could ever change that

Gaaahhhh! That's really nice. You kinda choked up ol' Vorc (ask Kara; I'm just a sap at heart!).

Very, very nice first post. I think it's obvious that you take after somebody we both know!

[Mickey]

Love. Alot of emotion...i'm wondering where that's coming from? Keep writing, all your other ones you had on Tumblr were really good too!

['Ginnis]

Intentional lack of proper capitalization and punctuation? Something to think about.

Look at you publishing work. Good job hun, keep it up.

[Maylar]

Liked it...it is simple, but simplicity here suits me as a reader (I'm not much of a critic, just saying as plain reader).
Few comma or stops could come handy, it's true...on the other hand, in this form, you leave the freedom for a reader to decide where to stop or pause. Not practical and could cause a break of the flow...simple as it is, it still took me two readings to make it sound like I wanted to hear it. But I enjoy it immensely, cause it was fun in the same time, and poem didn't lose nothing of it sense while I did it...just the opposite

[Lubesh]

Good choice of title, next time round pack some meat into it though with simplicity it did that....good effort. and keep going!

[Jimbalaya]

Hi there! Welcome to StoriesMania! It's good to see some new people come in. Personally I'm looking forward to what you have to offer.

One thing you should know about me, I'm no poet, and only occasionally comment on poems simply because much of the time I don't understand a lot of them. That's not true with this one. I believe I understand it, and I liked it very much.

I like how this is so direct. And the conflicting lines were well done. Unfortunately you see this kind of situation more and more these days. The abused party staying with the abuser. Usually it is because of fear that they stick around. The innocence in the MC thinking that things could change because of love was an interesting direction for a piece like this.

Overall, well done. I am with the other folks, though. You should elimenate the spaceing in the stanzas. I don't really have an opinion one way or the other over punctuation. I understood what was going on without it. That one is up to you. Nice work!

[Corneac]

Hi there Katrina, welcome to the site.

I enjoyed this - soem great contradictions there and love really does hold a wealth of them, at least. The rawness of it was well done, and the simplicity and earnestness of it was enjoyable. Poetry doesn;t always need a shitload of confusing metpahors to make it poetic and sometimes the truth of ti all gets a bit lost. I loved this because it just sort let you feel it, without owrrying abouy comprehentsion.

Nice first entry! Keep it up mate, look forward to seeing more from you.

[Rain]

Wow... damn relatable to anybody who's been in a relationship that ended... especially for the person who was the receiver of the ending... even if you don't add puncuation I would understand, the space between each line was like a stop, some stops unfortunately placed but all and all it works ok... for me at least. Keep it up, that was a very good first entry, and welcome!(even though you've been here I haven't said it yet...)

[jback]

Like others enjoyed how it was simple. I think the peice needed to be simple, because if you used too much description/personification/similies/ it would take away from the raw emotion and simple quality it has.

I can see the this clearly in my head. I always see these type of guys, it kind of pisses me off. But I can say that this poem is good in form, simplicity, and tone.

Very good, indeed.

[RENA HANDS]

I think you should add some punctuation to this write. Then these punctuations would also change some forms of your write, still leaving the Beauty and Excellence here in your original thought. Also why so much space between the lines? I give a rating of 3/5 for the innovated idea.

[Hurricane]

Thank you guys so much for the feedback. I would have replied sooner but I've been busy The next poem I post I'll be sure to take in your ideas.

[Nupur]

Hi, and welcome to the site. This is the first poem of yours that I have read and yes, I am impressed. I loved the simplicity and the emotional value of this one. Flowed very well and you scored here purely by touching everyone's hearts. You have a nice beginning and a lovely end, but my favourite is the part in between.

You stab my heart

and make me scream

then you turn around

and stitch me up and say

you love me

This is my favourite stanza. Very well done here. Like Lu said, next time around, I'd like to see you experimenting with something more... put some more flesh into your poetry. But where this one is concerned, if you try to flesh it out, you will lose the original emotional appeal. This is good as it is. I look forward to more from you.

[Blink]

I liked how it was so simple, and completely easy to understand, so relatable, I know I know what it means, and I relate to it so much. I liked it .