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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2008, 04:47 AM
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Lucas

Your Mom called me
Out of the blue
After almost two years.
‘We need to talk – I never told you,
I couldn’t tell you
That we have a son.
But I need you now,
I'm frightened and I need your help.’

My head spun,
I was terrified
And happy
And excited all at the same time.
A son, our son, my son.
A new life,
New possibilities,
And we’d never met each other.

It was love at first sight.
I got to hold you.
Silken black hair,
Big, happy grin, mouthful of baby teeth,
Chubby cheeks,
Deep brown eyes,
Beautiful, like your mother.
Your tiny fingers gripped my hand.

The truth came out
As we talked,
Your Mom and me.
‘I’m so sorry, he’s not yours;
He’s not your son.
His father walked out on us,
And I was just so scared.
Can you ever forgive me?’

‘He’s not yours.’
I didn’t hear anything after that.
I couldn’t breathe
Couldn’t speak, couldn’t even cry.
A son, their son, her son.
I should be happy,
I should be relieved,
So why is my heart breaking?
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Last edited by Vorcla; 01-09-2008 at 07:34 AM.
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Old 01-09-2008, 06:21 AM
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Re: Lucas

This is poignant and truly heart-breaking. Such mixed emotions, and yet they ring so true. I like the way you address the child, speaking to him. Wonderfully done!
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Old 01-09-2008, 07:38 AM
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Re: Lucas

OMG! That poem just broke my heart. I was close to tears.It seemed so real almost like it was true. It was an awesome poem, I hope you keep writing poems.
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Old 02-09-2008, 05:35 AM
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Re: Lucas

Damn. Such a real situation these days. This piece is quite powerful, and sad. Not sure what else to say here, but it is one to be proud of. Very visual and the way you adress the child fits very will here. Nice work! Dare I say it? You are a P-word, whether you like it or not.
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Old 02-09-2008, 11:19 AM
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Re: Lucas

Oh my. This is beautiful. I agree with bluejay, love how you addressed the child, like a father telling his kid about 'how I met your mother', with a rather sad twist. I honestly wish the narrator had been the father, and I think he does too. So sad, so sad. Again, I love the simplicity and clarity of your poems. It doesn't leap off the page, it's not flashy- it curls up quietly against your heart, and before you know it, you're bawling like there's no tomorrow. ^_^ Wayta go there, Mr. P-Word. ^_^
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Old 02-09-2008, 11:39 AM
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Re: Lucas

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluejay View Post
This is poignant and truly heart-breaking. Such mixed emotions, and yet they ring so true. I like the way you address the child, speaking to him. Wonderfully done!
Thanks, Jay. That approach just seemed to lend itself to this poem. That was the way I felt.

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Originally Posted by Hurricane View Post
OMG! That poem just broke my heart. I was close to tears.It seemed so real almost like it was true. It was an awesome poem, I hope you keep writing poems.
Broke my heart when I read it, too. Thank you, Katrina. I will keep writing poems, I guess. I keep saying I don't know if I will, and then something jumps up and makes me do it again. Plus I've been working with Tricia (dearest) who is an incredible poet, a great partner, and has a wonderful influence on me. So I guess you'll see more...

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Originally Posted by Jimbalaya View Post
Damn. Such a real situation these days. This piece is quite powerful, and sad. Not sure what else to say here, but it is one to be proud of. Very visual and the way you adress the child fits very will here. Nice work! Dare I say it? You are a P-word, whether you like it or not.
A P-word? lol Maybe. I might be getting close. Thanks, Jimbo.

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Originally Posted by dearest View Post
Oh my. This is beautiful. I agree with bluejay, love how you addressed the child, like a father telling his kid about 'how I met your mother', with a rather sad twist. I honestly wish the narrator had been the father, and I think he does too. So sad, so sad. Again, I love the simplicity and clarity of your poems. It doesn't leap off the page, it's not flashy- it curls up quietly against your heart, and before you know it, you're bawling like there's no tomorrow. ^_^ Wayta go there, Mr. P-Word. ^_^
Wow. Thanks, Tricia. That means a lot to me. You're such a wonderful poet, I feel honored to hear words of praise like that from you. Yes, it was sad indeed. First you think about changes you'll have to make, then accept and even embrace the idea, and then the rug gets yanked out from under you. Owww.

Thanks again, hun. ^_^
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Last edited by Vorcla; 02-09-2008 at 03:09 PM.
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Old 03-09-2008, 08:55 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Lucas

Wow! I was all hyped up, and then BAM!

That really caught me by surprise, but then, I suppose that was the point. It threw the narrator off balance as well.

How depressing. I know of someone who had to deal with that. I also know of someone who had very good reason to doubt, but didn't want to. That fellow takes care of his "son" to this day. It is what it is...

Sad.

Poet, indeed. (See, I'm not afraid to use the P-word. )
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Old 03-09-2008, 09:03 AM
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Re: Lucas

You know, this is one of those pieces where the form and flow could be riddled with flaws and it would not matter, the content is all that smacks the reader across the face here. It's powerful and yes - heartbreaking... not cluttered with poetic metaphors or fancy images, straight and to the point and full of raw emotion. I can not image the devastation one must feel caught in this tug-o-war, a totally breech of the calm path one was just on. Beyond that I can't fathom how another human being could toy with someone else's emotions in this manner. After reading there is a sense of empathy, sympathy, almost tears and a whole other side of rage and anger that one human being could do this to another. By far your last four lines were my favorite and a perfect ending. You just keep on writing, it's beautiful, it's quite a treat, and yes, it's poetry
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Old 03-09-2008, 10:27 AM
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Re: Lucas

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakkasan;
Wow! I was all hyped up, and then BAM!
Perfect description, Tony. "Bam!" Indeed. Thank you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen;
You know, this is one of those pieces where the form and flow could be riddled with flaws and it would not matter, the content is all that smacks the reader across the face here. It's powerful and yes - heartbreaking... not cluttered with poetic metaphors or fancy images, straight and to the point and full of raw emotion. I can not image the devastation one must feel caught in this tug-o-war, a totally breech of the calm path one was just on. Beyond that I can't fathom how another human being could toy with someone else's emotions in this manner. After reading there is a sense of empathy, sympathy, almost tears and a whole other side of rage and anger that one human being could do this to another. By far your last four lines were my favorite and a perfect ending. You just keep on writing, it's beautiful, it's quite a treat, and yes, it's poetry
Devastated. Another perfect description. It's like being shotgunned; you're too stunned to summon any rage.

This came out on its own. It's almost untouched. I couldn't think of anything to do to it, and it was to painful to get to close to it again. This demanded to be written; it's not a case where you go, "I think I'll try to write a poem." These are the best kind.

But you pay a price for it.

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement, hun. To me, you're one of the Goddesses of Poetry here. It means more to me than you can imagine. Thanks, Bri.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:32 PM
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Re: Lucas

Attention-grabbing. I like the blue font.
I really like this. These poems really are the best kind. Gripping read, well done.
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Old 10-09-2008, 05:06 AM
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Re: Lucas

Now that is something that definitly earned it's spot in the Heartbreak/Sorrow catagorie... simple and at times lacking in poetic touch(which isn't exactly a bad thing) but it was so heartbreaking and emotional that you barely could notice. I personally love simplicity... loved it personally... good stuff, Rick.
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Old 13-09-2008, 01:23 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Lucas

It has been a while since I’ve read a poetic write from you, Vorcla…but it is well worth the wait…This is Wonderful! The way you conveyed a variety of Powerful emotions. And the sadness of disappoint to have learned the truth…just Brilliant I must say/type. How could I not rate the highest of highs for this Exceptional write…5/5!
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Old 13-09-2008, 01:32 AM
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Re: Lucas

Thanks, hun. Unfortunately, I had to experience the pain to get the write. Wish there was an easier way...
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Old 15-09-2008, 07:13 PM
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Re: Lucas

Rick, wow. I agree with everyone who posted here. It's one of those poems where the content is enough to drive it forward. I loved the simplicity and the effect it had on this. Truly heartbreaking. I can't put it better then Bri did, and I completely agree with her. Excellent work.
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Old 20-09-2008, 11:53 AM
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Re: Lucas

Damn Vorcla you're gonna make me cry and then I'm gonna have to do something manly to prove I'm not a pussy. lol. Seriously, if somebody(like I was) was listening to a slow and sad song this could just be epicly terrific.(I'm sure it is without as well, but it was frickin' fantastic with music)On a serious note, I absolutely loved it and everything about, I mean damn man, this deserved heartbreak/sorrow. You're awesome for writing this, I can't put it in a different or better way then Vixen did. All I can say is, amazing job.

-Scott
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Old 20-09-2008, 02:23 PM
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Re: Lucas

Thanks, Scott. And welcome aboard.
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Old 20-09-2008, 02:25 PM
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