Your Mom called me
Out of the blue
After almost two years.
‘We need to talk – I never told you,
I couldn’t tell you
That we have a son.
But I need you now,
I'm frightened and I need your help.’
My head spun,
I was terrified
And happy
And excited all at the same time.
A son, our son, my son.
A new life,
New possibilities,
And we’d never met each other.
It was love at first sight.
I got to hold you.
Silken black hair,
Big, happy grin, mouthful of baby teeth,
Chubby cheeks,
Deep brown eyes,
Beautiful, like your mother.
Your tiny fingers gripped my hand.
The truth came out
As we talked,
Your Mom and me.
‘I’m so sorry, he’s not yours;
He’s not your son.
His father walked out on us,
And I was just so scared.
Can you ever forgive me?’
‘He’s not yours.’
I didn’t hear anything after that.
I couldn’t breathe
Couldn’t speak, couldn’t even cry.
A son, their son, her son.
I should be happy,
I should be relieved,
So why is my heart breaking?
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
This is poignant and truly heart-breaking. Such mixed emotions, and yet they ring so true. I like the way you address the child, speaking to him. Wonderfully done!
__________________ "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams." ~ Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy
"Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." ~ Basil King
OMG! That poem just broke my heart. I was close to tears.It seemed so real almost like it was true. It was an awesome poem, I hope you keep writing poems.
Damn. Such a real situation these days. This piece is quite powerful, and sad. Not sure what else to say here, but it is one to be proud of. Very visual and the way you adress the child fits very will here. Nice work! Dare I say it? You are a P-word, whether you like it or not.
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Go vote on a challenge or will eat you!
Quote:
Oh...you...you...you BIG BAD WOLF! Bad girl! You go potty on the paper! BAD Girl!!!
Oh my. This is beautiful. I agree with bluejay, love how you addressed the child, like a father telling his kid about 'how I met your mother', with a rather sad twist. I honestly wish the narrator had been the father, and I think he does too. So sad, so sad. Again, I love the simplicity and clarity of your poems. It doesn't leap off the page, it's not flashy- it curls up quietly against your heart, and before you know it, you're bawling like there's no tomorrow. ^_^ Wayta go there, Mr. P-Word. ^_^
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Your battles inspired me - not the obvious material battles
but those that were fought and won behind your forehead.
This is poignant and truly heart-breaking. Such mixed emotions, and yet they ring so true. I like the way you address the child, speaking to him. Wonderfully done!
Thanks, Jay. That approach just seemed to lend itself to this poem. That was the way I felt.
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Originally Posted by Hurricane
OMG! That poem just broke my heart. I was close to tears.It seemed so real almost like it was true. It was an awesome poem, I hope you keep writing poems.
Broke my heart when I read it, too. Thank you, Katrina. I will keep writing poems, I guess. I keep saying I don't know if I will, and then something jumps up and makes me do it again. Plus I've been working with Tricia (dearest) who is an incredible poet, a great partner, and has a wonderful influence on me. So I guess you'll see more...
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Originally Posted by Jimbalaya
Damn. Such a real situation these days. This piece is quite powerful, and sad. Not sure what else to say here, but it is one to be proud of. Very visual and the way you adress the child fits very will here. Nice work! Dare I say it? You are a P-word, whether you like it or not.
A P-word? lol Maybe. I might be getting close. Thanks, Jimbo.
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Originally Posted by dearest
Oh my. This is beautiful. I agree with bluejay, love how you addressed the child, like a father telling his kid about 'how I met your mother', with a rather sad twist. I honestly wish the narrator had been the father, and I think he does too. So sad, so sad. Again, I love the simplicity and clarity of your poems. It doesn't leap off the page, it's not flashy- it curls up quietly against your heart, and before you know it, you're bawling like there's no tomorrow. ^_^ Wayta go there, Mr. P-Word. ^_^
Wow. Thanks, Tricia. That means a lot to me. You're such a wonderful poet, I feel honored to hear words of praise like that from you. Yes, it was sad indeed. First you think about changes you'll have to make, then accept and even embrace the idea, and then the rug gets yanked out from under you. Owww.
Thanks again, hun. ^_^
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
That really caught me by surprise, but then, I suppose that was the point. It threw the narrator off balance as well.
How depressing. I know of someone who had to deal with that. I also know of someone who had very good reason to doubt, but didn't want to. That fellow takes care of his "son" to this day. It is what it is...
Sad.
Poet, indeed. (See, I'm not afraid to use the P-word. )
__________________ "A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading, I must finish by acting." - Henry David Thoreau
You know, this is one of those pieces where the form and flow could be riddled with flaws and it would not matter, the content is all that smacks the reader across the face here. It's powerful and yes - heartbreaking... not cluttered with poetic metaphors or fancy images, straight and to the point and full of raw emotion. I can not image the devastation one must feel caught in this tug-o-war, a totally breech of the calm path one was just on. Beyond that I can't fathom how another human being could toy with someone else's emotions in this manner. After reading there is a sense of empathy, sympathy, almost tears and a whole other side of rage and anger that one human being could do this to another. By far your last four lines were my favorite and a perfect ending. You just keep on writing, it's beautiful, it's quite a treat, and yes, it's poetry
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"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
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Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
You know, this is one of those pieces where the form and flow could be riddled with flaws and it would not matter, the content is all that smacks the reader across the face here. It's powerful and yes - heartbreaking... not cluttered with poetic metaphors or fancy images, straight and to the point and full of raw emotion. I can not image the devastation one must feel caught in this tug-o-war, a totally breech of the calm path one was just on. Beyond that I can't fathom how another human being could toy with someone else's emotions in this manner. After reading there is a sense of empathy, sympathy, almost tears and a whole other side of rage and anger that one human being could do this to another. By far your last four lines were my favorite and a perfect ending. You just keep on writing, it's beautiful, it's quite a treat, and yes, it's poetry
Devastated. Another perfect description. It's like being shotgunned; you're too stunned to summon any rage.
This came out on its own. It's almost untouched. I couldn't think of anything to do to it, and it was to painful to get to close to it again. This demanded to be written; it's not a case where you go, "I think I'll try to write a poem." These are the best kind.
But you pay a price for it.
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement, hun. To me, you're one of the Goddesses of Poetry here. It means more to me than you can imagine. Thanks, Bri.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
Now that is something that definitly earned it's spot in the Heartbreak/Sorrow catagorie... simple and at times lacking in poetic touch(which isn't exactly a bad thing) but it was so heartbreaking and emotional that you barely could notice. I personally love simplicity... loved it personally... good stuff, Rick.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
It has been a while since I’ve read a poetic write from you, Vorcla…but it is well worth the wait…This is Wonderful! The way you conveyed a variety of Powerful emotions. And the sadness of disappoint to have learned the truth…just Brilliant I must say/type. How could I not rate the highest of highs for this Exceptional write…5/5!
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If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
Rick, wow. I agree with everyone who posted here. It's one of those poems where the content is enough to drive it forward. I loved the simplicity and the effect it had on this. Truly heartbreaking. I can't put it better then Bri did, and I completely agree with her. Excellent work.
Damn Vorcla you're gonna make me cry and then I'm gonna have to do something manly to prove I'm not a pussy. lol. Seriously, if somebody(like I was) was listening to a slow and sad song this could just be epicly terrific.(I'm sure it is without as well, but it was frickin' fantastic with music)On a serious note, I absolutely loved it and everything about, I mean damn man, this deserved heartbreak/sorrow. You're awesome for writing this, I can't put it in a different or better way then Vixen did. All I can say is, amazing job.
Attention-grabbing. I like the blue font.
I really like this. These poems really are the best kind. Gripping read, well done.
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Originally Posted by Rain
Now that is something that definitly earned it's spot in the Heartbreak/Sorrow catagorie... simple and at times lacking in poetic touch(which isn't exactly a bad thing) but it was so heartbreaking and emotional that you barely could notice. I personally love simplicity... loved it personally... good stuff, Rick.
Thanks, guys. Missed these first time around. Sorry.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
Rick, wow. I agree with everyone who posted here. It's one of those poems where the content is enough to drive it forward. I loved the simplicity and the effect it had on this. Truly heartbreaking. I can't put it better then Bri did, and I completely agree with her. Excellent work.
Nup, somehow I missed your comment. Geez, I'm sorry! Thanks for the comments. This was a tough one.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
I like the poem in theory. However, I don't feel like it needs to be in blue. The color doesn't add anything to the dimensions of the text, so why include it?
Secondly, I'm not sure if I agree with ending the poem by asking a question.
Quote:
I should be happy,
I should be relieved,
So why is my heart breaking?
Ending by saying
Quote:
I should be happy,
I should be relieved,
but my heart is breaking.
would be just as affective and has a stronger voice. (Unless, of course, you were trying to make the speaker seem not so strong?) Perhaps even adding a last line beyond that, for example:
Quote:
my heart is breaking
and so am I.
A rough example but I hope that you can see where I am going with this!
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Do not overlook the obvious solution...
Oh - I like the idea of the last line - I may steal that from you! As far as the blue goes - no thematic reason for that - just thought it looked purty! Thanks, Kit; I appreciate the read.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
Reading this again.... it highly reminds me of the song Billie Jean. And I don't know why, I think it's the one line in the song "but the kid is not my son." idk lol.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
Oh my ... how heartbreaking! I really can't imagine, emotionally, how I would feel given and then stripped of such life-changing news. Yes, I can understand that the mom was freightened and I do hope that she and her son are doing well.
Your poem is loving toward both mom and son. You've taken a very direct and simply approach to this unforgettable moment, which as is should be .... clear, honest and heartfelt. You let us feel the heartbreak.
I do hope all is well.
.jeanne
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She and I have moved our hips with slow, slide-to-slide satisfaction,
the phantom impression of side slung babes forever seen in our nakedness.
Seems to be. Jan showed up at that festival we played, but didn't stick around to talk. I know she got a new job, which helps, and got Lucas enrolled in some programs. I told her to call me if she needed some help. Funny - I got attached to that little guy almost immediately. It was a shattering experience.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
I'm SOOOOO late getting to this, so I'll keep it short: damn near flawless. I really do like iwrite4areason's suggestions, though--I think making the final line a statement makes the point stronger. Well written and powerful, Rick. And I'm very sorry you had to go through this situation.
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"True progress means / matching the world to / the vision in our heads / but we always change / the vision instead"
will eat you!
Thanks, Tricia. That means a lot to me. You're such a wonderful poet, I feel honored to hear words of praise like that from you. Yes, it was sad indeed. First you think about changes you'll have to make, then accept and even embrace the idea, and then the rug gets yanked out from under you. Owww.
Re: Lucas
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