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Re: Heart Is Broken In December
Excellent seasonal poem, and (at least this is what I got from it) a truly heartwrenching look at depression. Imagery and language throughout are excellent, and the flow and rhythm are great without resorting to rhymey-ness for structure. Overall, excellent work, enjoyed reading this very much.
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The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on. -Carl Sandburg |
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Re: Heart Is Broken In December
This is kind of different. I really liked it. It is sort of dark, but the word December somehow makes it better. I know that's just me, but I love the word December. It seems magical for some reason.
Great visuals in there, I really liked the snow falling bit. I almost got cold! Great work!
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Re: Heart Is Broken In December
Whoa - this is nice work. Hit a little too close to home; I'm prone to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and I could easily hibernate from November to April. Nice flow and wonderful images, and I like the way you repeat the motif at the end. Excellent.
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Re: Heart Is Broken In December
I will start with the minor little technical nitpicks...
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Throughout the piece I noticed similar little things, almost like you are afraid of the little connectors which sometimes add to the piece. Otherwise this is truly beautiful - the colors, the sounds, the season. I enjoyed the layout as well, the elaboration on each month, and especially on December, then the repetition with minor changes all to wrap up again in a very powerful conclusion. Excellent work.
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"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: Heart Is Broken In December
This is different, and that's why I like it, it wasn't a typical heartbreak poem, it was almost something that could go in he Nature section, because the description of leaves and snow flakes and everything was simple, but you captured complexity with simplicity, which hit me hard and effective. It was really good, Maylar. Nice work.
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In the face of change, That's when she turned to me and said, "I'm not sure anymore..." Everchanging... |
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