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Old 29-04-2009, 11:10 AM
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If these walls could talk

If these walls could talk,
they would tell you the story of
love, heartbreak and eternal pain.

Why, if they could confide
they would whisper of the
the beatings, the screeching and weeping
that happened within.

Why, if they could reveal
they would murmur of the
the tears, the anguish and torment
that came to transpire within.

Why, if they could express
they would come to lament
the secrets, the cries and lies
that occurred within.

If these walls could talk,
they would let you in on
the madness, the screams
and all the suicidal things
that came to pass within.

Why, if these walls had emotions
they would crack and breakdown
leaving nothing but powder behind
all because of what happened within.

If these walls could talk,
they would of course
start at the very beginning
the story of the meeting
between the girl and that man.

If these walls could talk,
they would also speak of the ending
the tale of grief, misery and insanity.

Why if only these walls could talk
they would confess to all.
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Last edited by Dark-huntress; 20-06-2009 at 08:20 AM.
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:35 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

I really enjoyed the way you wove your stanzas here. The beginning and end words tied it all together, and the use of 'walls' which is an incredible image in itself. I already see growth in your poetry just from the last one I edited to this, you have found your footing on form and repetition, as well as channeling the images. I look forward to much more from you!
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Old 01-05-2009, 01:51 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

That was dark and depressing. Walls with burdens of what happened within them. Shivers. (Some walls are just malicious.)

Nice piece, Abuek. Very strong poem you have here, hits the gut.


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Old 01-05-2009, 08:05 PM
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Re: If these walls could talk

i really love this
such emotion really helps you to feel what the meaning and point of the poem is.
also the structure is fantastic
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Old 02-05-2009, 12:48 PM
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Re: If these walls could talk

thank you! thank you! your comments are very much appreciated. i always thought of rooms that had bad things happen inside them and if they could talk they would tell us exactly what happened within. now wouldn't police men and detectives like that? lol
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:09 PM
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Re: If these walls could talk

I absolutely love this piece.......You painted a vivd pictures all over those walls.
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Old 09-05-2009, 03:01 PM
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Re: If these walls could talk

oh really? thank you so much psyhosis. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
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Last edited by Dark-huntress; 11-05-2009 at 12:40 AM.
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Old 30-05-2009, 08:43 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

I love the way your mind works in your writing......There is much despair and disdain and yet you manage to intertwine it with common sense and reality........Keep up the writing so I have more to read
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Old 30-05-2009, 11:48 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

You have a very fluid imagination, and that really benefits your poetry, because it translates over into your writing style. Good descriptors and images here, very evocative. Using walls as your main metaphor was inspired. Like Bri said, your poetry is evolving. I like this one a lot.
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Old 19-06-2009, 10:42 PM
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Re: If these walls could talk

ohhh i didn't see this. sorry for the late reply

thankyou so much V and thankyou psychosis! appreciate it. =)
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Old 20-06-2009, 01:15 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

I loved the repetition of "within" in a few stanzas. I don't know why but that jumped out at me. I think your broke this down so nicely, you covered so many "if walls had" that it really completed the piece very nicely. Good stuff!
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Old 20-06-2009, 06:01 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

Might I suggest revising your punctuation? It tends to get a little confusing as to what you really mean and slows down the reader too much. Here is one suggestion:
Quote:
If these walls could talk
they would let you in ondelete ,
the madness, the screams
and all the suicidal things
that came to pass within.
Just an example of a way to tone down your stanzas a bit. All in all, this is beautifully written and filled with a distinct angst that keeps the reader fixated. Nice imagery and personification of the walls. I like!
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Old 20-06-2009, 08:28 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

thank you rain and iwriteforareason.
mmmhm i havent slept at all, not a good time to revise i know
i will come back and look at the things you suggested. and oh yeah thank you bytheway for suggestions =). will come back to them.
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Old 07-07-2009, 10:29 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

~_~ dark, very dark. The light repetition seemed to connect the stanzas, and the descriptive words really set the mood (I have do idea what I'm saying). Poetry seems quite interesting. Congratz Abuel, you've sparked my interest!
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Old 12-07-2009, 09:19 AM
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Re: If these walls could talk

very very happy that i did sawreese =).
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