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Old 01-07-2009, 01:14 PM
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And I Barely Knew You...

Eye contact
Vividness
Sparks flying
Loveliness
Hair brushes against my shoulder,
together we sit and ponder what the future
may or may not hold for us, for each other.

With...
Without
Alone..
United
One look into your yearning
eyes would give me the courage
to say the words I never did...

Trouble...

Familiarity
Vividness fading, fogginess gaining...

Shattered...

Devastated
God thwarts me again...
Time runs out...
Of course, in the end,
blame is pointing its
finger at only one.

Burned...
Destruction of an opportunity,
Love is bleeding in my hands.
Head over heels without an ounce of hope.
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Last edited by dearest; 02-07-2009 at 01:13 PM.
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Old 02-07-2009, 01:31 PM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

You know what, the first time I read this, I was a little put off by the asymmetry of the form, but you know, I think it makes sense. The two voices in the beginning make sense as the speaker struggles through this failing relationship. In the last two stanzas, he comes to terms with the fact that it's over, and very logically, the echoes are gone.

It makes sense! You were right. ^_^ To sum it up (sorry, I am REALLY tired and not making much sense): great planning and structure, and overall stellar work.
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Last edited by dearest; 02-07-2009 at 01:32 PM.
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Old 02-07-2009, 01:36 PM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

Thanks, Tricia. Always appreciate it.
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Old 04-07-2009, 07:51 PM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

Well, well, look at what I found...

I'm quite delighted I found this. This is something quite different from you since--the last the I read something from you--The Five Senses. I was taken aback from shock but it soon went away when I read it. As for what it could mean...I'm leaning toward that the left side as the events unfolding and the right, well, as the mind portion.

(Heh heh heh, I'm not sure about the things I say I just have to say them aloud.)

I read it quite differently than dearest (but I won't know surely because I don't usually read other people's comments unless I'm stumped). I thought it was about a dude who couldn't take the plunge, hence the title. Know what I mean? Or I could just be taking the whole piece to make it relatable to my past experiences.

Nice piece, Rain.


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Old 05-07-2009, 02:25 AM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppy View Post
I read it quite differently than dearest (but I won't know surely because I don't usually read other people's comments unless I'm stumped). I thought it was about a dude who couldn't take the plunge, hence the title. Know what I mean? Or I could just be taking the whole piece to make it relatable to my past experiences.

Nice piece, Rain.


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You got it. . Good stuff. Thanks for reading, Peppy.
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Old 05-07-2009, 03:04 AM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

I sort of saw the form as an expression of bewilderment and disorientation, perhaps as a result of the title...but any way you slice it, I thought this was interesting and fluid. Loved this stanza:
Quote:
God thwarts me again...
Time runs out...
Of course, in the end,
blame is pointing its
finger at only one.
Says so much without needing to spell it out. Great work, Tay!
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Old 05-07-2009, 02:18 PM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

The form is a little unsettling when you just glance at it, but then when you dig in and read, the form fits the function. The theme matches that scattershot format, and it all works together well. Nice job, Tay.
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Old 05-07-2009, 04:01 PM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

Thanks, fellas!
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Old 06-07-2009, 02:44 AM
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Re: And I Barely Knew You...

I absolutely loved this.....it was cinfusing to look at but great to read......a great example of not judging a book by its cover...... great work
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Old 24-07-2009, 12:24 PM
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