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To My Brother Jason
You were big,
I was small, I'd play n dig, While you were at the mall Did you love me? I didnt know it, Love was the key, But you didnt show it I love you though, And I'll never stop, But, Oh i need you so, Your love to pull me to the top For I'm down at the bottom, Almost considered dead, Like the leaves in Autumn, My body feels like lead Causing me to fall fast, And hard to ground, Feeling relief at last, Only when my heart no longer pounds But your love can save me If only i knew you cared Let's get together shall we? So that both our lives are spared
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~Freak~ |
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Re: To My Brother Jason
It's a pretty good poem... You need to work on grammer a little bit...Maybe get some suspence in your writing? Just a sugestion...
Keep writing!
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"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron |
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Re: To My Brother Jason
i agree with bookwhale. V sad. cn feel the sadness, ALWAYS! ^^
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My website - Art of the Words (http://freewebs.com/rjd_39). Please check out my journal and submitted texts! |
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Quote:
Quote:
Question were we the readers to feel "little, ignored" as you felt then? Is that why you did not capitalize the "I?" If so then I have blundered with my correction.
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Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?
![]() Last edited by RENA HANDS; 16-08-2007 at 05:51 AM. |
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