[Miragedev]

Sweet evanescent memories of you crosses my path
Flying and flowing with the wind due north
A soft ache grows from deep within me
Stretching and rising with every thought of you

The leaves have fallen and the time has passed
Darkness now crept silently towards me
Pushing and rushing the light to go
The memories, of you and me, they went with the sun too

Nightmares erupted fiercely in my sleep
Exploding with a mess of tears and screams
The soft ache has now flourished
Into the unbearable pain like that of piercing knives

Waking to this cruel reality of loneliness
The darkness before my eyes refused to leave
Blinded against the memories you have left
I couldn’t even reach out for your ghost

With these phantom images of what we used to be
I’ve descended deeper into my tunnel of isolation
Without you, my heart drops further and further
To where the sense of life evaporates faster and faster
And what’s left will be that dried bloodiness mess of me

[Storiesmaniac]

I like that it flowed well, and each new stanza told a bit more of the story. Very touching.

[Miragedev]

Hey storiesmaniac, thanks for taking your time to read and comment. Appreciated! But I don't really like it, as in this is not written because something sad really happened, instead just an imaginery one. lol. Anyway, thanks again!

[Storiesmaniac]

That's ok you don't need to write every poem about somethign that has happened to make it touching, it just helps. I still like it and it hold alot of meaning for me, so im going to go with a. Good work still. ha ha.

[spinx]

deep and sortta dark, I like it

[AlannBaadrain]

Great dark imagery. Reminds me of every relationship I have ever been in.

[BookWhale***]

I liked it. it was vivid, and dark, but romantic. good job.

[kjam]

Originally Posted by Miragedev

Sweet evanescent memories of you crosses my path
Flying and flowing with the wind due north
A soft ache grows from deep within me
Stretching and rising with every thought of you

The leaves have fallen and the time has passed
Darkness now crept silently towards me
Pushing and rushing the light to go
The memories, of you and me, they went with the sun too

Nightmares erupted fiercely in my sleep
Exploding with a mess of tears and screams
The soft ache has now flourished
Into the unbearable pain like that of piercing knives

Waking to this cruel reality of loneliness
The darkness before my eyes refused to leave
Blinded against the memories you have left
I couldn't even reach out for your ghost

With these phantom images of what we used to be
I've descended deeper into my tunnel of isolation
Without you, my heart drops further and further
To where the sense of life evaporates faster and faster
And what's left will be that dried bloodiness mess of me

Really love thsi one - sounds like you have been hurt

[Miragedev]

Glad that you like it, kjam. =)

[Sabrina]

*tears*...wow...this one cries sadness..... A very nice poem...

[Coolness]

wow. that's a really effective poem. makes me sad. good job.

[Venus]

I like that alot. it made me feel lonely and I'm in a happy relationship. lol.

[RYUU REI]

This makes me think of how lonely some people are even if they are surrounded by crowds of teens but no one is close enough to know how much pain they are feeling although it is clearly expressed through their actions and expressions. It just shows how truly ignorant the world and its inhabitants can be or at least choose to be.

[a&Ω]

Overall I thought it was a lot better than the majority of poems. I really did like it. As far as to critique it: I thought parts like "To where the sense of life evaporates faster and faster" maybe replace faster and faster with some sort of analogy... a little bit too plain maybe. Also "that dried bloodiness mess of me" maybe should be "that dried bloody mess of me".... I might have missed that one though.

Good job.

[angel]

Exploding with a mess of tears

i had this emotion when i read this. thru my tears i can say this is brilliant and captivating. excellent piece

[katofmystery]

really good poem, makes me feel like your heart has literally been torn out! And you say its never happened to you!!?? I couldn't tell by the way your heart was breaking in the poem!!! Lovely imagery and it made me feel like I was in your postion!!!! Nice work

[catxwalk1234]

beautifully written. i enjoyed it. grammar mistake: sweet evanescent memories of you crosses my path. good job, overall.

[Derik]

I love this poem, one of my favorites. Has a special place with me, and it flows so well.

[Jess1016]

i know this isnt too constructive, but i really like this poem, and you're obviously a very talented poet

[ms_mae572]

i really liked it, the detail was nice and the poem flowed very well