[Biggie_5619]

A beautiful star in an unnamed galaxy,
Never to be touched by me in any actuality,
Only to be looked upon but never your warmth to be felt,
Upon my face.

Never able to feel your warm welcoming rays,
Dwell within the boundaries of your glorious ways,
Shine on beautiful star shine on,
Mine eyes on you shall dwell upon,
Forever more.

A lone sparkle from a sheet of black,
I looked at you and sat and sat,
Wondering if the beauty that I see,
Will ever be truly noted by anyone but me,
Or will you just be overlooked.

Your outer corona shines so brightly,
For days on end my eyes, on you, could site see,
But below your radiant harmony,
Emanates a stunning symphony,
Crying out your truth.

Not just a striking outer shell,
But a soul filled with loving affection as well,
A heart so pure with everything that you do,
O how my heart screams out 'TOUCH ME I BEG OF YOU',
'Just one time'.

By, Biggie

[JirQUEST]

hmm. gives me the idea of wussy desperation. is that what you're writing about? yearning for attention from a chick?

[Biggie_5619]

Originally Posted by JirQUEST

hmm. gives me the idea of wussy desperation.

whats that spozed to mean...whatever it is i spoze you are probobly right...kinda just made it up as i went along..hadn't posted anything for a while so i thought id give this one a shot.

[JirQUEST]

i get the idea that it's a narrative about a guy yearning for attention from a chick. wussy desperation just means that it highlights what the guy thinks of this girl, that she's special, the one and only etc. which basically means, he's desperate for her.

as for wuss... here ya go : http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wuss

[Biggie_5619]

Quality vagina without any hair.

That is my favorite definition, lol that made me laugh....so do you like it or not???

[JirQUEST]

well, i like the way you use your words. i just dont like the context; the meaning behind it.

[Biggie_5619]

Yeah i know what you are saying i wrote this like 3 months ago when i was crushin pretty hardcore .... I feel like i never post anything of my own and im lookin to change that... i didnt really like it when i got done with it either....sounds way to needy....at least its got one thing going for it that i like... it rhymes

[Perscription]

The line "Or will you just be overlooked" is really out of place, does not fit into the poem at all, this reads more as a sketch of what could be a good poem, i like the way your "desperation" shall we call it comes across in this poem though.

[Venomous Vixen]

Interesting metephor

I do not see anything 'wussy' about yearning for someone

Good work!

[Biggie_5619]

thanks bri... havnt seen a reply to this one for a long time lol

[RENA HANDS]

A very elegant and persuading poem.

Only to be looked upon but never your warmth to be felt,
Upon my face.

Never able to feel your warm welcoming rays,

These statements seem to repeat the same idea.

Will ever be truly noted by anyone but me,
Or will you just be overlooked.

There should be a question mark here for it is a question and not a statement.

O how my heart screams out 'TOUCH ME I BEG OF YOU',
'Just one time'.

I have learned the hard way that one doesn't always need to captialize all words so I suggest using (!)

Now I wonder if these suggestions change the flow of the poem but doesn't take away from the idea you state previously?

Beautiful star in unnamed galaxy,
Never to be touched by me in actuality,
To gazed upon for an eternity.
Your warmth shall not touch my face.

Dwell within the boundaries of your glory,
Shine on beautiful star, shine on
Mine eyes on you shall reside for eternity.

A lone sparkle suspended of a black sheet,
Trapped in stare, sat and sat
Pondering the beauty that I see.
Will others note your existence
Or will you just be overlooked?

Your external corona lustrous,
In perpetuity my eyes could site see,
Below your radiant harmony
Emanates a stunning symphony,
Crying out truth.

More than a shell,
A soul you filled with affection.
My heart so pure with everything that you do,
O how it screams out,
"Touch me I beg you! Just one time."