[katofmystery]

Grasping for breath
Trying to elbow your way out.
Sweat mingles with tears
Bringing on a cold clammy feeling,
That just can't be ignored.

All this, you want to cry,
For one silly boy who left you alone,
Struggling against the endless tide
Of tears, sweat, and grief he caused
And all the while you think
Boys are a curse
Thrust upon us.

A man appears before you,
Arms held open
With tears of pain
That are being shed for you.
He's standing there waiting,
Till the boys you seek
Make you cold,
And you hunger
For a man's warming touch.

Deep sense of hope at the end there, I like that. Overall a good piece.

[angel]

excellent piece very hard hitting. a brilliant read. good 1 mate

[katofmystery]

thanks, people always think that I based this poem on a personal experience, but its not. . . It always feels good to hear praise on something I wrote, thanks again

[Corneac]

Yes very nice. I expected from the title it would be a poem about the trials and horror of war and how young boys are sent to their deaths, youths who have not yet reached manhood. And what a tragedy it is. But I was pleasantly surprised. An interesting piece. Your rhythm was a bit of in pieces and it was a bit melodramatic at times. But overall a great poem.

Grasping for breath
Trying to elbow your way out.
Sweat mingles with tears
Bringing on a cold clammy feeling,
That just can't be ignored.

Such a vivid first stanza. Roped me right in, great writing there. Great job mate.

[katofmystery]

thanks. . . i like to get people's attention right away and go over the facts later. . .

[Theboss1985]

Great title for the poem, made me want to read it instantly.

Love the feeling of it as well, and the way you were able to say so much, without writing a lot. I'm still working on that myself.

Also I wanna say thanks cause I was having writers block and this poem is a great muse

Great work

[katofmystery]

thanks. . . i'm glad that the poem was of some help to you!

[Vorcla]

This is nice, Kat. Not only does it illustrate the difference between boys and men, but also, I think, between girls and young women - the maturity aspect. Good job.

[katofmystery]

thank you!!

[katofmystery]

hey y'all i just revamped the poem and want to know what y'all think about the changes. . . Thanks y'all!!

[PaulJJ]

Again, I didn't read this before the changes.

I had to read through this four times, not because it didn't make sense but because it was great, and to really appricate is to pick it to bits.

I loved this poem. full stop.