[PICK] Eulogium - StoriesMania - short stories, poems, essays, scripts and online fiction

Phonoho · #1 (**permalink**) 30-05-2007, 04:01 AM

Here,
in a heart-shaped box,
do I keep thoughts of you contained

Still,
yet I grieve not
o'er how so very few of them remained;

For I
have my sorrow
shed as tears which here have swelled

For you,
wept only for
how many more my heart box could have held.

**Bluejay** · #2 (**permalink**) 30-05-2007, 05:33 AM

Absolutely wonderful. I love the image of the heart-shaped box holding thoughts...

Simple but quite effective.

**Lubesh** · #3 (**permalink**) 30-05-2007, 07:14 AM

I prefer this layout and it has your hallmarkall over it. Remarkably lovely.

Phonoho · #4 (**permalink**) 30-05-2007, 07:31 AM

Hallmarks? Do you mean my line lengths and my spare and delicate wording? Somber tone?

**Lubesh** · #5 (**permalink**) 30-05-2007, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phonoho

Hallmarks? Do you mean my line lengths and my spare and delicate wording? Somber tone?

Your tone and wording and yes ok spare and delicate and...lol to be serious,your arrangement of ur wording. i could have read the middle verse and known it was ur poem...maybe that type of thing, which is, remarkably lovely

Phonoho · #6 (**permalink**) 30-05-2007, 09:20 AM

I wrote this a few years ago for my daughter to read as a eulogy for a classmate who had died from a drug overdose. I reworked it a bit before posting but it's all there. I just had to put my hallmark on it. Until now, I didn't know I had one, really.

**Lubesh** · #7 (**permalink**) 30-05-2007, 09:22 AM

I wondered who it was for...sad.

Phonoho · #8 (**permalink**) 05-06-2007, 10:26 AM

This one was for me.

**Storiesmaniac** · #9 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 09:44 PM

Wow...feel the burn, and the imagery...that was amazing...that really stuck out with me, hit home if you will...that is a very emotive piece of writing...Props on that one.

**Corneac** · #10 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 10:03 PM

Gosh Junior. That was astoundingly good, so dripping with emotional intensity and so sad. You're an inspiring poet mate and this almost made me want to pick up a pen, but it's late and I'm tired. But gosh. Really darn good.

I, too enjoyed the arrangement. Original, and something bout the word "o'er' that I like. God bless contractions. Bloody awesome work mate.

colinbaker62 · #11 (**permalink**) 29-06-2007, 03:26 AM

You keep applying that illusive 'hallmark' for it's working wonders. A moving piece of writing for sure.

Phonoho · #12 (**permalink**) 29-06-2007, 08:47 PM

Thanks, you guys. Yes, I love contractions, especially when they seem to fit so well and to belong. The arrangement came naturally; the short, medium and long line lengths are pleasing to the eye.

gonzoadrenaline · #13 (**permalink**) 11-07-2007, 11:47 PM

I love it. It hurts. You CAN feel that you wanted more from the person. It's dark and somber depressing, but in a different way. Hard to describe what I mean by that.