| Notices |
 |
|
|
LinkBack | Thread Tools | Rate Thread | Display Modes |
31-05-2007, 05:58 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Fuck You
Fuck you,
for being someone I want to confide in. Fuck you, for being the only person with the ability to make me cry. Fuck you, for having the power to make me want to change me. Fuck you, for making me giggle like a school girl on our sole date. Fuck you, for making me feel like I need you. Fuck you, for making me come and then running out the door. Fuck you, for making me tell you I love you. Fuck you, for that's all you wanted me to do.
__________________
I won't rent you my time, I won't sell you my brain, I won't pray to a male god, that would be insane. And I can't support the troops, cuz every last one of them is being duped, and I will not rest a wink until the women have regrouped. 
|
| Sponsored Links |
|
31-05-2007, 06:40 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
Wow, some very powerful emotions expressed here. Nice one!
__________________
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams." ~ Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." ~ Basil King
|
|
31-05-2007, 06:52 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh my lord, that took me straight back to high school. This might actual inspire and nice goulish story about one of those boys who got their paws on me. Beautiful. You might try to give it a little form or meter or something. When every line starts the same way you kind of expect it. Takes away from the impact a little.
|
|
31-05-2007, 07:22 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Fuck You
Pwerful emotions in this one, nice
|
|
31-05-2007, 09:23 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
Well fuck you too....lol
Nah, great poem as always Venus. I liked the last lnes, effective, but the whole thing was pretty darn powerful. Well done.
__________________
I like boys with strong convictions and convicts with perfect diction, Underdogs with good intentions Amputees with stamp collections -So Nice, So Smart
|
|
31-05-2007, 09:30 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
I enjoyed the overall effect of the rant but did find it a bit cliched specially at the end.
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering... 250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000 - TotM, 1000 WC 100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!  Comp/Challenges FFFC CFPC 1000-Word Challenge Limerick ToTM EMWE GQC
|
|
31-05-2007, 10:42 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
retrospective resentment. it's a bitch.
this one calls to mind George Kostanza's predicament upon being the butt of jokes during a staff meeting. so resentful was he that he turned the car round to get his revenge. if only life went like that, eh Venus? if only life were like a sitcom...
|
|
31-05-2007, 10:55 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
well...SORRRY!!
nice poem btw
__________________
"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." by Anatole France  "Unless you believe, you will not understand." Saint Augustine, De Libero Arbitrio
|
|
31-05-2007, 10:05 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
Haha, thanks guys. No this poem isn't really what I would call good or anything..it was more of an anger post...I just want to point out though that this poem has gotten more comments than any others and I have to imagine it is due to the title..
__________________
I won't rent you my time, I won't sell you my brain, I won't pray to a male god, that would be insane. And I can't support the troops, cuz every last one of them is being duped, and I will not rest a wink until the women have regrouped.
|
|
02-06-2007, 07:53 AM
|
||||
|
||||
Re: Fuck You
You are right, writer about the catching title. I have not seen such prevailing explanations with such simple action. Heartbreaking too are your established thoughts.
I make the following suggestion... Fuck you, You have become my constant confident. Fuck you, It is only you that makes me cry. Fuck you, I want, I need to change myself for you. Fuck you, On our sold date, I did revert to a giggling school girl state. Fuck you, We have become half of each other's equation. Fuck you, I am coming and going out the door because of you. Fuck you, I love you! I love you! I love you! A broken record am I. Fuck you, For this is all you want of me and nothing more.
|
|
02-06-2007, 11:32 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Fuck You
I got hooked by the title, more curious as to what could possibly start with such profanity but was pleasantly surprised at a well written little piece. I have to say very tidy. ^.^
|
|
05-06-2007, 07:45 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
Quote:
No I like it the way it is. Those changes make it sound too "Nice" Sometimes poetry just needs to be and angry rant and an outburst of emotion. good work
__________________
POINTS. FOR ENTRIES 250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE 1000 - TotM, 1000 WC 100 - VOTING IN CONTEST POLL
|
|
05-06-2007, 01:44 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
Okay, I admit I was dragged in by the title.
Now, as a member of the offending sex, I must say that I wish I had this guy's ability and nerve. To get you this mad after only one date, regardless of whether he got laid or not, reveals astonishing technique with women. Why in the world would you tell him you loved him on only one date? Unless this is only an artistic creation, not a retelling of a real event. If so, please say so so I won't feel as incompetent.
|
|
05-06-2007, 10:11 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
It's not a personal story and its not about one date. I had in mind two people who had been friends for years and had finally had one romantic night and for the guy it was just fun but for the girl it had been a realization of what they should have been doing all along. Also, don't worry, I'm not attackign your sex, I'm a lesbian and I have treated women like this in the past. I'm not proud of it, but I have, so don't look at me like an angry man hating feminist. It's about hating the way people are used.
__________________
I won't rent you my time, I won't sell you my brain, I won't pray to a male god, that would be insane. And I can't support the troops, cuz every last one of them is being duped, and I will not rest a wink until the women have regrouped.
|
|
06-06-2007, 01:10 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
Ha! This poem, is definately perfect the way it is...cliche or not, feel the anger pouring out! hahaha! bloody hell i know that feeling of the usingness...done and been done...not a cool thing...Very well expressed loved it.
__________________
Join A Challenge Today! Or i'll kill you
|
|
06-06-2007, 01:15 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
thanks stories
__________________
I won't rent you my time, I won't sell you my brain, I won't pray to a male god, that would be insane. And I can't support the troops, cuz every last one of them is being duped, and I will not rest a wink until the women have regrouped.
|
|
06-06-2007, 08:55 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
That's one hell of a lot of 'fucks'.....It reminds me of a condensed version of the 1992 film 'Reservoir Dogs' which lasts around two minutes in total, and contains about 245 'fucks' one after another......
Splendid title for a poem too.
__________________
Colin Baker.
|
|
06-06-2007, 09:05 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Fuck You
Quote:
__________________
I like boys with strong convictions and convicts with perfect diction, Underdogs with good intentions Amputees with stamp collections -So Nice, So Smart
|
|
28-08-2007, 10:50 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Fuck You
Wow, excellent poem. Im taken aback by the title, but a nicely written piece.
|
