[EternalPen]

I lead myself into corners,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I leave myself to die,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I realize I will die,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I am left undone,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I can no longer trust anything,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I look but can't see,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I reach for a hand and find none,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I have been abandoned,
But it's okay!
I've been here before.

I am completely alone.
It's not okay,
I do not recognize this.

I have only the darkness,
But it's okay!
I'll get used to it.

I will die soon,
But it's okay!
I want it to happen.
Because I'm comfortable here...

[Phonoho]

This piece is wildly repetitious, which isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as the reiterated phrases could be altered slightly to serve or modify the notion or idea presented in the first line of each stanza. For example-

I lead myself into corners,
But it's okay!
I've been cornered before.

I leave myself to die,
But it's okay!
I've been dead before.

Also, how about breaking up the monotony of the middle lines?

But it's okay-

Lost my way-

It's my way-

What to say?-

Not today-

Of my day-

Find a way-

Just some ideas if you'd like to have it move instead of making it clackety-clackety-clackety-clack like railroad tracks.

[EternalPen]

Oops. Well, I couldn't have it say I've been dead before, because I haven't, I haven't even in the poem. But I WILL see if I can fix it. You might have to give me a while though. ^_^

[Phonoho]

Oops? No need to fix. Just laying out some ideas.

[EternalPen]

ahhh, okay. I leave as is for a while to see what others say then. ^_^

[Guided]

I agree with Phonoho. A bit to repeatitive and breaking it up with some different word choices would have been better, in my opinion.

After a few verses I began to just skip the last two lines and only read the first one. I did like how you tried to build it up to a breaking point of just wanting to die but I think the organization was a bit off. A bit hard to explain but I felt like you were building the momentum then would jump back down and go back up, like the impact of the starting line.

Hope that made some sense. =)

[EternalPen]

Yeah, it did. I have about four stories and two poems I'm re-re-editing right now, so it may take a while to get to this one, but I'll change it a bit! ^_^

[Storiesmaniac]

I think the repetition really is a bit to much, and im a fan of repetition. You can make this one a little better with few smalll changes, like what our friend phonoho suggested...

wow i kno how you feel.....

[Ethan]

wooow
this is one great poem
I relate to this

You did a greattt job

[Venomous Vixen]

I have to agree with the others, it is a little too repetitious for my taste. I also started skipping the last few lines which tripped me up when you changed them towards the end. I think Phono's suggestions are very on point.

Also, the third to last stanza seems a bit contradictory as you have said you have been abandoned and reached for a hand and met no one, but then say it is new to you to be alone. It lost some meaning here for me.

Also, the second and third stanza seem way too similar beyond the repetition of just the last two lines. You may consider dropping one to help the flow.

All in all this one is completely worth revision. The emotion shown is raw and very relatable. To say I have not felt this way would be a lie, as I am sure it would be for many others.

Looking forward to seeing it in its final form