[EternalPen]

By the look on your face,
By the way you dress,
I can tell how much it hurts.

By the scars you hide,
Underneath your smile,
I can tell you're almost finished.

By the cuts that bleed,
From within your heart,
I can tell you're tired of being alone.

By the tears that you shed,
While you laugh in ignorance,
I can tell you want to forget all of this.

By the pain you live in,
By the darkness you so cling to,
I can tell you've given up.

[Nupur]

This is pretty good. Very different from the rest of the stuff you see. There is real pain, a frustration that's you've expressed very well.

Compared to the rest of the lines, which are terrific BTW, I felt this line was a little... superficial.

By the way you dress,

I might be plain dumb, but well, just my opinion.

Also,

I can tell you're almost finished.

This line was like a speed breaker where flow was concerned. It lacks the depth you've brought to the rest of the piece.

Apart from that, I honestly loved it. The last stanza with that lone line in the end was the perfect ending. Keep up the good work!

[EternalPen]

I thought the last line was a bit cleeshayed (<-- I honestly have no clue how to spell that at all), but thank you for your input! Much appreciated! I'll look back over this someday when I'm not too busy and see what I can do.

[Phonoho]

Originally Posted by EternalPen

I thought the last line was a bit cleeshayed

Maybe not cliche, but you do have an inanimate object throwing in the towell. Perhaps it's the owner of the reflected image who has given up.

[EternalPen]

That's what I meant, but I thought that referring to yourself as a reflection in a mirror was cliche. (Is that how you spell it?!)

EDIT: I changed that to reflection. Does that help or worsen?

[Phonoho]

I get it: the mirror is not a mirror, but a metaphor for one's self. The edits work well.

[EternalPen]

Yes, thank you!
^_^

[Billbailey]

It would make a very good emo band song. I don't like the reflection part either.

[Rain]

That was a job well done EP. I liked the 4th stanza by far the most.
"By the tears that you shed,
While you laugh in ignorance,
I can tell you want to forget all of this."

However I did not like the 1st stanza. I think if you find a different line to put in place of the 2nd line in that stanza it might work a little better for me. But overall it was pretty good man. Keep it up

[Corneac]

By the pain you live in,
By the darkness you so cling to,
I can tell you've given up.

From a poetic standpoint, I can admire the internals here. "live", "cling", and "given", show that depite the lack of prevalent rhyming scheme. You have a substantial hwold on flow...naturally I'd think, becuase fo your adeptness as storyteller. You had a few hiccups...but very well done.

Now for the content...as a teenager in today's society, I come across so much emo peotr, so it makes it difficult to enjoy or indeed admire it. I can enjoy this, much mroe than I can the majority of peotry of this calibre. You also were wrtiing about somoen else which is a relief..as such poetry tend to be self-consumed. This is much mroe peotic than what the ret of you whipper snappers are writing about, but serious, emo poetry make sme wanna slit my wrists. (Paradox much?)

Great job EP keep writing!

[Theboss1985]

I loved the beginning of the poem but the part at the end with the reflection in my opinion kinda brings it down.

If I can make a suggestion I would suggest adding another whole part about wishing you could be the person for a day and make their reflection see its not their fault.

Good Job

[EternalPen]

I just took the reflection out. I thought it was dumb myself, so I decided best without it.