[PICK] Body and Soul

[Storiesmaniac]

Body and Soul

Body:
Take me, make me.
Use me, abuse me.
I want it hard,
And I want it now.
Spank me, hurt me
I like it rough.

Soul:
Love me, hold me
Don't leave me
Please.
Not again.
Not like the others.
Grow in me,
Grow with me.

Don't stop.
Harder.
Love you intensely
For that moment
Then discard you
Like a used condom.
Take another.
Break another.

So many pieces
Torn.
Stay with one.
Please.
I'm breaking,
Failing
Falling.
Dying.

Harder

Stop

Faster

It hurts

Complete me!

Destroyed.

[Venomous Vixen]

Tim, I love the way your mind works and that I can see your pattern of thought through your poetry. This one hit home for me...

then discard you
like a used condom
take another
break another

Brutal and perfect for the emotion you are trying to convey...
I also really like in the third and fourth stanza's how first it is the writer doing the breaking and suddenly it is them who is beginning to stop being broken.

Very nicely done, ha I could ramble on the subject for hours

[Storiesmaniac]

Thanks Bri...
I think sometimes our body and our soul (not talking in a religious soul here) have different ideas in mind, and sometimes it would be better if we listened to the softer voice...
Thanks for reading and liking it.

['Ginnis]

Very nice Tim, I liked the duality. And you know how I am with poems so that's about all I got.

[Wordsmyth]

Awesome once again Manaic!!! I loved this.

Harder

Stop

Faster

It hurts

Complete me!

Destroyed.

The two parts fighing each other to be heard was terrific!!

[BrokenParadox]

Awesome!
Very powerful and um....weird imagery....
lol Good job ^_^

[Storiesmaniac]

Thanks mr smythies, i appreciate it alot

Thanks sunshine, glad you enjoyed it!

[Lubesh]

different again from you and it is good to see. You carried the dual tones off greatly, I thought it odd at first, but the sun made your turquoise invisiblelol.

[Storiesmaniac]

Thanks Anita, Hahah what are goig blind on me now old one?

[Venus]

I really like this poem. It was very rough...very poetry cafe, dimmed lights...snapping and all...I do think it would have more depth if it were longer.

[Jayna]

Damn Good Job. The body was hard, rough, and strong. Almost like your dark side coming out but you balance this poem perfectly with the soul of gentleness that was trying to resist.It was sexy in a way. Great job.

[RENA HANDS]

How intense is this action to be…And I want it now. (Replace with !) ?

Body and Soul, why not make the ‘and Soul’ the light blue so to keep with color consistency?

You missed (I’m) Im breaking---originally.

Applaud the intensity here. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to this read before. I’m not certain if the red and blue are appropriate here, why not make all one color (seems flimsy, the blue) but that’s just me. And difficult to read also. Regardless of thoughts…Superb creation! I rate though you don’t really need it (the imagery/vocabulary) 5/5!

[Storiesmaniac]

The blue is light and soft and hard to read for a reason...because that voice is hard to hear...its the soft contrast to the red vibrant colour...the loud voice we always listen to.... Thank you very much rena im glad you enjoyed it.

Oh thanks for the catch also

[Lubesh]

Read this agin given that reply..and yos very good! and not spamming here.

[Corneac]

Go Tim, I dunno when you wrote this. But I seem to have missed it. This was awesome, I loved the contrast, and it's real honest. Bri's right about being able to see your though/writing process.

Complete me!

Destroyed.

Great last lines, and unique cocnept and execution. Dude, you should write more poetry. Serious.

[Storiesmaniac]

Thanks chris! I should write more i know, im just a lazy bugger...or I''m just too busy sometimes...