[Venomous Vixen]

Bittersweet reflections of self
In seclusion of turmoil and despair,
Burrow through the candy coating
Decay in my center-
A double-edged sword
Pierces fiercely,
Through what could have been
But never will be-
I’m rotten

Half eaten and still alive,
Broken wings still try to fly
Beyond that,
Which never was,
Tireless, they flap and soar
Weighted with doubt,
Saddled with regret…
Never reaching high enough
In this cage

From these bars escapes my cry
Distant and alone,
Longing to be answered by you-
Come peel away the decay
Unclip my wings,
Devour my sweetness-
In flight to the clouds
Boundless,
Not here, rotting
Not trapped in this cage
Just free, you and me
And eternity

[Ryankia]

I’m Rotten

"Rotten" doesn't need to be capitalized here ^.~

Beyond that,

Wonderful as always Bri! Love the use of our feathery friends to describe the desire no longer be bound by cages.

So easily it can put into retrospect of the world around us and how each of us live our lives.

[LullabyHearts]

But never will be-
I’m Rotten

Hmm...I don't know about this part

I really like the second stanza its my favorite

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks both of you Corrections have been made

[squattaz]

very negative poem... hopefully a momentary feeling/ assessment?

[Venomous Vixen]

Umm, more so teetering on a revelation of sorts, the way someone had just been riddled with self-doubt/disgust/hatred and cried for help for so long, finally finding someone that could make them see past their false conceptions of themselves. Thanks for reading!

[squattaz]

<--- big advocate of self-reliance and developing self-esteem from the core... when you have it, no one can take it away, nor does anyone need to help you find it.

[Vail]

Well.. aside from the 'this is my take on life, but is in no way a comment about your work'-post I like the work. I was a little put off by some of the inner conflictions within the poem itself. Your form, which I myself am fond of offers elicits no negative comments, nor does your word selection. If truth be told, despite the little thing nagging me, your poem was indeed extremely good. I love the bird reference, and I love that this is in human nature as opposed to depression and despair. Despite what some people think, this is real human nature... this is what people think, feel, do, see... we are this... and to ignore it is sheer ignorance in it's most extreme form. Meh.. enough ranting...

What I don't like, and it's completely, totally just me, is how you describe yourself as rotten early on in the piece, and then transcend to becoming something sweet for someone else to eat. Now maybe you are trying to paint a self misconception in the beginning and then are saying not-so-much at the end, but the unclipping of the wings line suggests differently...

Meh, maybe you're saying you're not rotten all the way through, hence your peel away the decay line.. but Meh.. that's not the vibe I got from it... Maybe I'm way off.. but that's just the way I see it. Love ya. Thanks for sharing.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks squattaz.

Nate - let me try and explain the rotten. It is stemmed from sexual abuse, imagine the person this poem entails was raped and molested, their center would feel rotten, spoiled, no? Then this person finds love, starts to long to be freed from the cage of memory, to be cleansed, loved, pure again. Broken wings, clipped and caged from the things that were endured could soar and again in the throes of love. I know the word is blunt, and a bit contradictory if misread, but really, there is no other way I see to describe it. Hope that helps make sense of it all. Thanks for reading hun, your reviews are always much appreciated!

[Lubesh]

This si roughly where i left off....and deliberatley looked for it as I love it. such a lot put simly yet as has been said the conflict thru the bird was ingenious in a way.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you very much Lu, you are too kind

[Peppy]

Wow, this is old. Time hasn't corrupted you. That's swell to learn.

Deep imagery. Deep thoughts. A good track of an account. It was simple enough but complex enough to make this worth the time to read. I think this is the second "bird" poem I read by you, except, I think, this one's better. Nice, nice. Sweet-ness indeed.